Lord Veltha Versus Happiness

It has come to my attention that in principal such things as wealth, power, and fame are not goals people strive for, but the means to their goal. That goal of course is happiness.

Happiness is by definition, "a state of well-being and contentment." The dictionary as always is particularly vague when it comes to subjects of importance such as this, and it is best that people are left to define their own happiness. (The dictionary does however contain the long sought after meaning of "life." Why it has never occurred to people to look it up in the dictionary is beyond me.)

I do not feel as though my problem lies in un-happiness. I am by nature a happy person, but I am away from my natural habitat where I can be myself to the best of my ability. I am away from my natural habitat due to avoidant behavior. I avoid things due to the fear that somehow I will make things worse than they are. It is much safer for me to hide within the confines of my impregnable fortress.

Psychologically, even chronically miserable people have in some depraved way found happiness. Try to snap them out of it and watch how their mood goes from bad to worse. Humans are comforted by that which is familiar to them. Take away that comfort and latent survival instincts kick in. Fending for emotional survival isn't often considered a state of well-being. (This link is not even the least bit relevant.)

If happiness is the goal, then I fear I am going about it all wrong. No amount of therapy can MAKE me happy. Discussing pertinent issues such as relationships and economic ways to destroy the world is helpful without a doubt, but the whole point is to allow me to integrate myself into the world and become a productive member of society. That is the key. I'm learning how to cope with reality, not how to participate in it. I am about as well adjusted as I'm going to get, frightening though it may sound. Therapy will not bring me happiness, and I'm afraid more therapy will only not bring me happiness to a greater extent. It's time I learned how to do things on my own. Only then will I be fit to rule this world with an iron fist.

As such, there are only two things that will bring me happiness.

1) A positive social life

2) Purpose

Group gatherings occur when I am invited to or send invitations to planned events, yet my not-the-least-bit-creepy-or-stalkerish research suggests many shared activities are spontaneous. I'm simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Comrades frequently in close proximity to each other are more likely to ensue in mischief.

Plausible Solution: Discover a method for maintaining consistent social contact with friends in person, whether it be to arrange a meeting place or get over my anti-social pansy-assedness and call people once in a while. Phones aren't that scary.

Alternative Solution: Kidnapping. It seems to work for most evil overlords. Besides, when does brain-washing go wrong?

Purpose is a little trickier. I can not simply slap a sticker on an activity or job and call it purpose. The key as always is to FEEL like it's my purpose. As it so happens there are two activities I feel a strong connection to, however I think I have described the pros and cons before. Writing is problematic as I'm inconsistent in my writing habits and abilities, and in order to move forward in my life I would need to complete a project. My voice box however is armed and cocked (...*cough*...), I just don't know where to take it.

Plausible Solution: Ask for help. I have resources I could exploit. I know people who know things about knowing things. I could ask for assistance from people connected to the field, and people may even give it to me without having to resort to mind-control.

Alternative Solution: Mind control

I must take charge of my life to ensure that I have a future. Perhaps I will get started on that tomorrow.

Pathos and goodwill

The Treads on the Battle Tank Keep Spinning

Behold! Episode 1 of The Astonishing Dude (now referred to as TAD for short, 'cause I like that better then AD, and yes these things are important to me and you can't take away my freedom stop trying to control my life leave me alone I'm not hungry I'm going to my room and I'm never coming back OMG sugar rush!) has been completed!

All goes according to plan. As per standard production procedure I worked on that sucker 'til it was time to head out the door and abuse the auditory canals of those fortunate enough to hear our masterwork. Keeping the volume consistent throughout the piece was the biggest difficulty I had. No, finding sound effects was, but the volume came a close second (which reminds me that I need to do some more sound hunting if I'm going to pull off the upcoming commercial breaks. I should delegate this task to someone else. Any volunteers? Who wants to find me a bowling ball, a toaster, an agitated hamster, and an aerosol can full of doughnut batter? Think of it as a scavenger hunt.) The great thing is that no matter how many times I listened to this thing it never got boring. Animation gets old fast. Granted, it takes a hell of a lot longer too. This show though... this show is astonishing through and through. My only disappointment is that we didn't have the recorder going when we did our live cast commentary. Sad day. (I know most of what I said, so I could record my own commentary... but I think blogging is the full extent I'm willing to take my ego. It just wouldn't be the same without my outstanding comrades anyway.)

And Episode 2 is officially underway! Armed with previous experience, our intrepid hero (overlord) ventures not into the unknown wilderness of radio play production, but into the familiar lake of tepid and not on the whole unpleasant work that is exhausting, time consuming, but ultimately rewarding. The challenge this month will be to effectively emulate a panic stricken mob of limbless civilians, an overzealous arena of bloodsport fanatics, learn how to apply voice modulation in order to make my actors sound alien but understandable (I cannot understand most alien voices due to their modulation. The Vogons in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio series especially, and most recently Emperor Tachyon's voice in Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction.) and play not one but TWO characters that are much too intense for my stomach to handle. I started getting sick during a run through of the script. I should be fine if I have lots of water handy. The show... must... go on... gasp... *MELODRAMATIC DEATH!*

I am also serving as Director Assistant/Script Master/Nagging Asshole in a film production called Nightbumpers. So far I've only screwed up once, if not twice, and all on our first day of shooting! The first error was when I started doing my job before the cinematographers said cut, and the second was when I might have been in the shot when the camera person did a pan of the set for extra coverage. I'm looking forward to the next day of shooting. I've never been a part of something like this. At the art school I was an animator, and wasn't involved in anything that required actual filming. I did write one screenplay and was there for shooting, but I dunno... that was different. I don't get that awkward feeling that I don't belong there though, which is good and quite surprising. I got a little nervous when I had to actually, you know, do my job, but I think that went alright. (I still need a copy of the script. I don't think I can keep hoarding the Director's. I may also bring some blue masking tape and a dry erase marker for the sake of taking blue masking tape and a dry erase marker.)

I'm working on learning to draw. Oddly, whenever I try to draw the way I'm taught I fail. I can't get beyond the two-dimensional wire frame model I've created. It should be a simple matter of cleaning up lines, really no different from my normal process, but something feels wrong. Winging it seems to be providing better and better results. Characters aren't especially detailed, there's no shading, texture, or color to speak of. Hands, feet, and faces continue to be my eternal adversaries. On the positive side, I have two tolerable sketches of myself: the infamous Lord Veltha. Other more pressing matters have taken time away from my pencil practice, but I feel that with the progress I've been making it will only be a few years until I become what artists refer to as "okay."

The world is in my hands. It's only a matter of time.

(And if you haven't already, check out www.imeem.com/astonishingdude for great justice!)

What's Cooking

I've written a big long list of things I've done this year to further my reach and bring myself closer to copping a feel on reality. Most of the things on the list involve contacting friends... which sounds really bad after writing that bit about the copping of feels. I should be more careful in the future not to write anything that will negatively impact my overactive imagination. I could always delete this paragraph and start over.

...

There are two big things going on that involve patience and having to neurotically check my email every few minutes. I mean, I don't really have to neurotically check my email. I'm in control. I can quit any time I want. It's just that these are pretty big for me.

Last month I submitted two pieces to the Willamette Writers Kay Snow writing contest thingy. (Why isn't thingy in the automatic dictionary? Thingy is totally a word. Same with doohickey and... wait... they have doohickey but they don't have thingy? Add that to the list of things I gotta do when I conquer the world.) Third place will pay for both of my entry fees and a celebratory dinner. Second place would go towards donating comics to the library... lots of comics. First place... I'm sure I could think of something to do with first place. I submitted to two different categories, so if I managed to win both that would be amazing and likely improbable. There's no way I'd be that lucky with my first shot. Actually submitting was an accomplishment. People are reading my work. People who could go, "Wow! He's right! That is exactly what is happening! This social satire about how crappy vampires are is so compelling I must contact this writer immediately and tell him to hurry and publish this! Heck, I'll pay for it!"

This blog is about thinking highly of myself. Maybe if I believe in my dreams enough hey won't die. Then I could get married to the princess, buy a house on the moon, and get a pet moose, and live happily ever after. Hooray! And my floors will be made out of infinitely replenishing bubble wrap!

This blog is not about discussing why I do not like vampires. I have my reasons. I've thought it through. I cannot be swayed on the matter. Don't give me any of that "racist" or "politically incorrect" talk. I don't like vampires. You want to know why I don't like vampires then just ask me, and make sure you have plenty of time to listen to me rant. Better yet just buy my book when it comes out.

The other thing that I'm kinda sitting on is this call from the local college radio station. I found a newspaper and read an article that said a lot of great things about trying to unite artists trying to get noticed and promoting them on this radio station. I know: "What's that got to do with anything?" The thing that really caught my eye was where they briefly mentioned they were looking into starting a radio drama. Seriously, this would be the best job ever. Forget that it's volunteer work and I don't get paid. This is what I need. So I, get this, I took the newspaper home! This is... probably not that impressive, but understand where I'm coming from. I talk myself out of everything. I'm naturally inclined to avoid change. I won't go into detail here about how pathetic I am, but picking up the paper and taking it with me with the intention of investigating later was an astounding feat for me. Then I went and emailed them; basically whoring myself and saying I was willing to do anything they wanted of me. The next day, the very next day, I got an email back from the station manager saying he would connect me to the guy in charge of... discipline... and he would see me at the studio. I replied courteously, and have sense been sitting around waiting for their resident disciplinarian to contact me and tell me when my training starts. I haven't heard anything. My excitement is amplifying my impatience. I'd better check my email again and make sure he's supposed to contact me and not the other way around. I am an idiot like that.

Sooo... that's what I'll do now. I will feel like a huge idiot if it turns out I was supposed to contact him. Attention to detail is important when it comes to global domination. All it takes is one lax guard reading a magazine or eating a Sloppy-Joe to miss someone infiltrating the stronghold and then it's good bye evil ambitions. I'm all for equal opportunity employment, 'cause Odin knows I need it if I'm ever gonna get a job, but do not put people with ADD in charge of security.

I need to check my email.