Avengers: Disassembled and reconstructed

It was recently requested of me by an avid and devilishly handsome follower of mine whom I don't mind flattering given that he has already praised me enough be asking to hear my ever-so-important opinion on an ever-so-important subject:

The Avengers

It's a comic book movie. That is a given. There are going to be a fair share of things in it no matter how well it was done that may or may not fly if you strain yourself thinking about it too much, but I will tell you right now that it was done very well. Very well. Deserving of 204.5 million dollars opening weekend. I will now task myself with identifying all of the negative points of this movie, all of which are completely irrelevant as I in my humble opinion, as a fan of comics and Happy Meal toys based on them, that it is one of the greatest super hero movies ever made. Given that my otherwise brilliant intellect goes mushy and dumb due to my tendency to fan-girl, my suspension of disbelief has actually been tested and reduced thanks to a wonderful review of Tim Burton's "Batman" film by ComicsAlliance.com, allowing me to see the flaws in even a movie as critically acclaimed as The Avengers. Let's get that out of the way so I can fan-girl.

The first thing I noticed right from the opening scene was the camera work. That shouldn't happen. That is rule number one of attaining a suspension of disbelief. You should not notice the camera. If you notice the camera, then you notice you're watching a film, and it stops becoming real. I think that is a newly identified pet peeve of mine. There are so many skewed camera angels that for a while I was expecting Cesar Romero to jump into frame in clown makeup. There was a rather unsubtle Sheeple Vs FREEDOM theme playing out early on that seemed cornier than Iowa, and in a throwaway line it seems that Allfather Odin himself handwaved the necessity of the Bifrost bridge that was destroyed in his son's movie. Loki's evil plan was a little simple by God of Mischief standards now that I think about it, and if you come away learning one thing from this film it is something comics have been teaching us since 1941: the bow and arrow are the most effective weapons in the history of mankind. In the long run, none of this matters.

What matters are the characters. Co-writer (along with Zak Penn, famed for one of the greatest movies of all time: "The Last Action Hero") and director Joss Whedon knows these characters, as best summarized by his Comic-Con 2010 interview in which he said, "these people shouldn't be in the same room, let alone on the same team -- and that is the definition of family." Captain America is a good ol' boy from the 1940's who believes in God and country, and has to adjust to the world around him in an appropriately awkward and uncomfortable fashion. Iron Man is sassier than ever thanks to the Whedony script. Thor was cocky, and genuinely concerned for his brother which was actually played very sweetly. Hawkeye was physically improbable. Bruce Banner's character was brilliant, alternating nicely between fidgety and bitter. Most of his screen time is spent either trying to shy away and be a fly on the wall, uncomfortably being brought into conversations against his will, or being angrily snarky about everything. Some of Mark Ruffalo's fidgeting seemed a little forced, but I forgive him because he still looked appropriately anxious for someone with a very severe and very violent mental disorder. Nick Fury was closer to his comic book counterpart than he's ever been, really playing up the most important aspect of who he is: the protector of the whole friggin' world. This man is willing to do whatever it takes to keep everybody safe from everything, whether you like it or not. The Black Widow, after this film, deserves her own movie. After being nothing more than a silent pair of murderous legs in tights in Iron Man 2, Scarlet Johnson actually gets to play a complete character. She's funny, complicated, badass, and everything a female super hero should be and has never been before. If anything, I would encourage people to see this movie just to support the the Women's Right to be Awesome movement. I mean hell, not only was she a complete character, the zipper on her suit didn't even reveal any cleavage. I wasn't looking to be a pervert, I was just curious that they honestly didn't try to sex up Scarlett Johansson for a comic book movie. This is America after all. I can't help but applaud fair representations of super-women.

So, now let's talk about The Hulk. I want to talk about Hulk, so we're talking about the Hulk. Half of the movie was lifted high above comic book movie standards by a great ensemble cast, who then graciously handed it to a big brutish green rage-beast... who then proceeded to make the midnight premier auditorium of my local Regal Cinema, and every theater since from what I've heard, scream and cheer so loud it could have drowned out all of the explosions in Michael Bay's wildest dreams. This became the Hulk's movie. That is what you will hear from anybody who has seen it. The Hulk stole this movie, and proceeded to let everyone know that even after Iron Man tried to take it back that the movie belonged to The Hulk. Even Loki was blown away by how incredible the Incredible Hulk was. There is a scene, and you'll know it when you see it, where it is apparent that Tom Hiddleston read the script, made a very shocked expression, froze in place, they dressed him up and filmed the scene, and then had to use smelling salts and muscle relaxants to thaw him out of his coma-like state to film the rest of the movie, all because the Hulk was just that awesome.

This is not a thinking man's movie. There are no real deep philosophical questions asked, although some were implied. There aren't any deeply personal internal conflicts that are explored by the characters, even though every single one of them has huge emotional problems that I'm sure will be addressed in further sequels (particularly Captain America, assuming they ever decide to use him in a good movie.) No, this is a movie for people who like to cheer for the good guys. This is for fans of witty dialog, explosions, great ensemble casts, and eye patches. This movie is for people who enjoy life. If you want to be happy I suggest watching this movie. I suggest bringing friends and arming yourself with ridiculous props from your nearest retailer. I suggest sitting through the credits, watching a little something that maybe three people in the audience with you will understand the gravity of, sitting through more credits, and then being casually reminded of how amazing the movie you just watched was.

The Dark Knight was once hailed as the greatest super hero movie of all time, and it deserved the title all things considered. It had a decent plot. It had drama. It had Heath Ledger as The Joker.

We have a Hulk.

Avengers Assemble,
Lord Veltha

Edit: I negelected to mention the importance of having a nerdy friend explain the plot of Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger if you haven't seen those movies. I think you can get by without them, but they do give you a better sense of... never mind they're not important.

An Ode to Retro Gaming

I love Elite.

Elite is an outer space trading simulator for the powerhouse of graphics and sound, the Atari ST, in which you travel the galaxy buying low and selling high by assessing the needs and wants of each individual planet’s system of government and level of technological advancement. Occasionally enemies with bounties on their head will appear around violent planets and hunt you down rather than vice versa, you can mine asteroids for ore, or fly into the sun, but for the most part it is a lot of flying through uninhabited space killing time by trying to remember the keypad controls for your ship’s numerous gadgets. That is it. That is all there is to it. No revenge schemes, kidnapped princesses, quests for atonement, recovery from amnesia, or plot. Just you, space, a galaxy unified by an exceptional loathing of sitcoms, and a cargo hold full of slaves, illegal firearms, and Arcturian mega weed.

There are “sandbox games,” such as the famed Grand theft Auto series, in which the player is given a large area of play and the freedom to ignore the game’s missions in favor of frolicking to your hearts content, but they give you the luxury of missions, side missions, and occasional mini games to fall back on when your imagination fails. Elite is all about “dirt gameplay.” There is nothing there except for what you make of it, leaving your imagination to fill in the blanks about your character and motivations as you sit drifting through space to the local port in an almost zen-like trance, interrupted now and then by the threatening presence of blinking lights on your radar and lasers being fired from a distance that erode your shields at a terrifying rate. I for instance decided that I would be an honest vendor of medical supplies and would bring them to poor colonies in need. Then I chanced upon a drifting cargo canister containing two tons of narcotics and proceeded to run from local authorities until I could find a place to fence them. Not long after that I stumbled across an unmarked canister of human slaves and gave up on the idea of being an angel of mercy.

The low-polygon ship models are stark, but thankfully there few instances in the heat of combat where you get a good long look at your enemy from your first-person cockpit view. When I was eight years old the graphics didn’t matter, and in my giddy nostalgic bliss I find that they matter even less. As I sit in the aforementioned zen-like space trance I’m given a moment’s pause to consider how easily such a low-tech game manages to remain so appealing in this the seventh generation of gaming consoles.

Modern titles have enormous polygon counts per object, enhanced lighting effects, and even the occasional orchestral soundtrack, but as good as a game is these days, unless it has an online multiplayer feature it gets shelved minutes after the credits roll and either collects dust or is traded in for another game that will undergo the same cycle. Whether it was God of War for PS2, or Bioshock for Xbox 360, games get one play through on average and could potentially spend the rest of their days without ever setting foot in another disk tray, but Super Mario never dies. Super Mario Bros. for the Nintendo Entertainment System has been around for over 25 years, and people still play it, whether on an emulator, as a Wii Virtual Console Title, or if they’re fortunate, an old NES or new generic console. Mario never dies. Even with controls simplified to two buttons and a d-pad, the game continues to be compelling and addicting to everyone from die-hard gaming veterans to kids teething on the Wii. It is simple, eternal, and iconic.

In “Understanding Comics: the Invisible Art” by Scott McCloud, the author goes into great detail explaining the nature of the icon. Simple lines and shape that take on meaning in our minds, and the way images are interpreted in our minds mean the same thing as the object the image represents. He also discusses something very subtle in the artform of comics that is very difficult to explain in words. The more “realistic” an image is, the harder it is for the audience to relate to it. Highly detailed artwork occasionally appears static on a page. The images do not link in the audiences mind easily from one to the other, which is key to the artform of comics. Will Conrad's artwork in “Serenity: Better Days” based on the television series “Firefly” is made to look close to the actors as it represents, giving it a quality difficult to quantify in the minds of readers. It’s as if the audience’s mind confuses itself while trying to register on a subconscious level images that closely resemble but are clearly not the physical objects they represent that it cannot easily translate the comic book into a series of images in a sequence, and views each image as a separate entity. Meanwhile, more “iconic” art styles such as Rob Guillory's work on “Chew”, Charles Shultz's "Peanuts," or the extremely iconic work of most Japanese manga artists are easy on the eyes and easy on the brain, making it easier to interpret the sequence of images and words as the artfrom known as comics, and easier to hold onto the reader's attention.

I believe video games work much the same way.

Not on the same subconscious psychological level where the games are easier to comprehend if the graphics are of lower quality, but in terms of simplicity being somehow more acceptable, eternal, and addicting as hell. For some older games affect people’s nostalgia, and is the reason Nintendo released Ocarina of Time for the 3Ds, and why every good Star Fox game is an enhanced version of the original Star Fox for Super Nintendo. Humans are programmed to expect newer shiner objects to be dangled in from of them. It makes for competitive entertainment and software industries that have to push the limits of technology because that is what time has dictated sells. More and more when it comes to gaming, retro has been taking over the market. At E3 2010, Nintendo’s press conference was dominated by nostalgia. Kirby, Donkey Kong Country, NBA Jam, and even Goldeneye were catered directly to older audiences who would respond with, “Holy crap! I remember that! That’s awesome!” and making the impressionable gaming youth go, “Yeah, well, I want that too then.” Iconic eight and sixteen bit two-dimensional graphics have also made an alarming return in the form of Retro Game Challenge, Super Meat Boy, Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, Holy Invasion of Privacy, Badman! What Did I Do to Deserve This?, Geometry Wars, Mega Man 9 and 10, and hundreds of independently developed games. Games are returning to an era where everything was simple, iconic, and eternal. I am in full support of this necessary revolution.

With the economy crashing down, more and more industries are focusing on what sells, and what’s cheap to make. This is the reason Capcom continues to make updates for Street Fighter IV and Marvel Vs Capcom 3, rather than risk making a sequel to a franchise that hasn’t been around since the days of the original PlayStation despite enormous fan outcry. It is also the reason developers need to focus more on form and less on substance. I’ve discussed before the decline of the Final Fantasy franchise. As hardware allows for more advanced software development, developers focus more and more on creating high definition graphics. Time and funds are spent on high polygon models and detailed texture mapping. The advanced graphics soak up valuable storage space on the disks the games are published on. Quality of objects and environments rendered overshadows the number of objects and environments, leaving very pretty but very short games. What once was a series containing deep character development and hours of exploration has become a series of films about characters walking through a hallway. Other sequels have suffered from technological advances, such as God of War 3 and Ratchet and Clank Future. They’re still great games by any definition, but they’re noticeably shorter than their previous installments and come with a larger price tag. Other developers manage to find balance between graphics and open worlds filled with activities for the gamer such as Ubisoft’s Assassin’s Creed II and Rocksteady’s upcoming Batman: Arkham City. Graphics have their place as long as they compliment the gameplay, such as Okami’s watercolor style, Bayonetta's over-the-top madness, and El Shaddai's… EVERYTHING… but at the end of the day, video games are games, and games must be fun to be enjoyable, and “iconic” to remain relevant.

I have been hard at work editing a short video project, and every so often in order to take a break without straying far from my computer and potentially discovering some other distraction, I load a window running Minesweeper. There is a reason it has come standard with Windows operating systems for 21 years.

Pathos and good will,

Lord Veltha

PS: Make Mega Man Legends 3, Crapcom. Do it. I don't need to tell you what will happen to your families if you don't.

PPS: “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time” is a game I am really upset I didn’t mention in the blog because it suits my “icon” point perfectly. The game is a classic side-scrolling beat ‘em up, and the best of its kind. All you do is walk to the right and fight waves of enemies by button mashing. It is simple and compelling and pure elegance therein. What they did is try to capitalize on the nostalgia years later by remaking it with 3D graphics. It is by all means the exact same game. It is reproduced perfectly. Yet for some mysterious reason it is not fun. It’s as if the style of the game with its 16-bit sprites (or 32 in the arcade) was what made the game entertaining. By all means there is no reason for the 3D remake to not be as fun, but it isn’t. It even comes packaged with the original version of the game, so you can experience the difference. It’s the most bewildering thing, and the basis of my argument for more “iconic” games.

Lord Veltha Vs "Scott Pilgrim Vs The World"

Warning: This article isn't actually about the movie itself, but the importance of the role the audience plays in artwork. Please ignore it. I'm ranting. Anything worth saying on the subject has already been said here and there, but it's time Lord Veltha put his two cents in. It's not the intention of this blog to write on subjects aside from myself, but as this is a matter of projected personal importance I need to speak my superior mind.

Scott Pilgrim Vs The World was not meant to appeal to everyone. It was specifically designed to cater to the aesthetic of the counterculture youth who grew up in the eighties and early nineties; the people with Batman posters on their walls and Legend of Zelda music on their iPods, the people who follow webcomics and/or have one of their own, the people seeking to balance the freedom of childhood with the responsibility of adulthood, and it punches their counterculture aesthetic in the balls with a fist of awesome.

If you did not laugh at that sentence, then Scott Pilgrim is not for you, and that's okay! You're not the audience for this film, and you don't have to be. This is the thing many reviewers neglect to take into consideration. Art is not meant to appeal to everyone, and that's good because it never will. This something I too forget when I explain my dislike towards the Twilight franchise. Obviously the Twilight series appeals to many on a core emotional level. These people are generally not worth my time as I'm lead to believe their core is a shriveled husk of ignorance, but I accept that and move on. I've never read the series or seen the movies, and have only heard tales of terror and disgust from like-personalitied individuals. The few clips I had seen of Eclipse were enough to make me cringe based on the camera work alone. The camera work. Not necessarily something I notice right away when watching other films. Obviously, I am not the intended audience for this series, and I should keep my snarky mouth shut. After all, the experience of the individual in regards to art is what matters. If a man paints a portrait of himself in his own blood in the middle of the woods and then dies so no one is ever able to see it, is it still art?

In school we were made to write a paper that would accompany our artwork called an "Audience Paper." The intention of this paper was to explain to our teachers the importance of our artwork to ourselves and the specific group in society that the implications of the work were intended towards on the off chance the teacher just didn't get it, so that they could understand what we were doing was in fact amazing and they just couldn't see it, so they would base their grades on whether or not our piece did appeal to those whom our projects were aimed at. This was the general theory, but like most papers the purpose of it was never adequately explained to a group of hyperactive teenagers, and so the meaning was lost until those who continued to pursue careers in their art-form just sort of clicked and swore under their breath upon the realization that the teachers they hated were right all along.

Scott Pilgrim Vs The World widely appeals to its intended audience IN ABUNDANCE! That cannot be said for all movies (*Cough* SuperMarioBrothersStreetFighter:TheLegendOfChun-LiSteelBatman&RobinDaredevilLauraCroft:TombRaiderSupermanIVCatwoman

BatmanForeverMortalKombatAnnihilationHowardTheDuckDoubleDragonMaxPayne *COUGH*) so the fact that it serves as a very niche movie that appeases the intended audience is applaudable. That alone is enough to warrant it a pass. The film is noticeably more entertaining amidst a crowd of people who get the movie than with a theater of mothers taking their children to see it (though it is often hilarious to watch the reactions of people who have no idea what they're seeing) and when the energy is high it's harder to notice some of the forced performances near the end when it almost feels like a public service announcement on conflict mediation and how not to be a douche-bag. Unfortunately, reviewers generally write based on personal interest and experience, which is fine so long as they clarify that and accept that their own opinion is no more than an opinion and not the definitive word. I've seen old classics, pretentious French films, and a little of everything else. Everything appeals to someone. My audience is an important thing to consider as I continue my work. I know who they are, and I am certain I do well by them. Now all I need is a way to reach them.

In regards to this blog being a record of my accomplishments, I assure you that I'm running behind on updating and I haven't been slacking off on my duties as an aspiring overlord. I have some very interesting news regarding bowling that ought to be shared, but haven't because of a long-time expired unwritten confidentiality agreement, and I have sold several copies of The Astonishing Dude on CD, but somehow this took precedence.

Pathos and good will,

Lord Veltha

Lord Veltha REBORN!

BEHOOOOOOOOOLD! I, the infamous LORD VELTHA, having freed myself from my emo bonds have declared all out WAR upon my inhibitions and once again begin my quest for TOTAL DOMINATION with complete confidence that I, LORD VELTHA, am the rightful ruler of the thoughts, perceptions and mental fabrications of reality that make up the universe around me. My true colors have been REVEALED, and my imperial banner soars high as an indication to my foes that they are about to be severely punched in the face by the FIST of my righteous and steadfast determination to be what I was always meant to be: unfathomably AWESOME.

In my quest for ullllllllltimate DOMINANCE, I have been pursuing a part-time job to fuel my outlandish schemes, and while I have staked out many an opportunity for employment I have wisely chosen to focus my sheer tenacity upon one PRIME job location as I am a firm believer that anything worth doing is worth doing WITH THE BURNING PASSION OF A THOUSAND EXPLODING SUNS! Some may regard me as a fool for placing all of my eggs in one basket, until they realize the eggs are really HAND GRENADES of UNWAVERING CONVICTION in a basket WEAVED FROM MY ALL-CONSUMING AND DELIGHTFUL CHARM! AND! ELEGANCE! While I still have yet to receive confirmation that the fruits of my labor are juicy and rich in vitamin C, I believe there is promise that I, LORD VELTHA, will receive notification of my first ever job interview in a matter of days. Victory! Is! AT HAND! And yet even if some horrible clerical error determines I do not meet the requirements for the position, I continue to spread my web of intrigue beyond the local bus route in the firm belief that word will spread through the underground of my UNDYING DETERMINATION TO ACHIEVE and that will be enough to solidify another promising job opportunity. Eventually, store managers will be BEGGING me to fill their vacant entry-level positions.

And to any non-believers out there who believe that I have completely forsaken my ART in order to pursue these lesser goals, and to the naysayers who claim I’m demoting myself to “wage slave,” FEAR NOT, for though technology is determined to fail me at every turn it is no MATCH for the combined force of my SUPERIOR INTELLECT and DUCT TAPE! I continue to audition for amateur voice acting roles in hopes of being discovered and to gain experience while I seek information that could lead me to a profession in the field. The Astonishing Dude Episode 3 is underway, with only a few roles in need of recasting, no real promise as of yet that we’ll get the show back online, and we are once more in want of a recording space to finish one last scene and record actors that are finally free now that school is out, but we’re limping along, and we limp with PURPOSE!

Also, with my allies free from school and available to provide me with much needed camaraderie on a more frequent basis, I believe it may be time to return to writing in earnest. Writing is what I do best, but it is a lonely art. I desire to write scripts for theater, film and comics. Many of my allies sail under other banners as they seek their fortune across the horizon. As an overlord I am nothing without minions, but I WILL persevere in my endeavors.

MOST IMPORTANT is my newfound resolve to return to the ULTIMATE BATTLEFIELD! Never again will I hide in shame before succumbing to my own insecurities. I will triumph! I will succeed! I asked a girl out! I am terrified! She’s going to say, “no!” She’s going to say, “yes!” I’m going to be stood up! I’m going to unintentionally stand her up! We’re going to be having a nice time and then WHAM! Nosebleed into the sushi! I’m going to be alone forever! I’m going to be stuck with a psycho forever! I’m going to take very deep breaths in the corner until I calm the hell down!

I AM LORD VELTHA! THE WORLD IS MINE!

PATHOS! AND GOOD! WILL!

Sincerely,
Lord V. <3

PS: I still haven't discussed medication with my physician.

Lord Veltha Versus The Power of FRIENDSHIIIIIP!

The key to being an effective overlord is learning how to properly utilize and trust your henchmen. After all, without minions you're just another man in a cape trying to conquer the world. A villain, sure, but not an overlord.

This is where I have my largest difficulties on my path towards conquest. Given my nature as a flamboyantly dressed, egomaniacal, "if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself" type of person, I am actually suppressing my potential for global domination by limiting my reliance on vassals.

I compare my work to that of professionals in all that I do, and I look on my works ye mighty and despair, for I am merely "good." It also seems that about 75% of everything I do consists of busy work. I things that allow me to utilize my imagination, to socialize with like-minded individuals, and allow me to use my natural ability to mimic the voice of Patrick Warburton, like writing, directing, and prank calling Neil Patrick Harris. I enjoy things like animation (which takes for effing EVER), doodling (I don't particularly consider what I do to be "drawing" so much as giving circles legs), and editing audio (we'll get to that.) That is, I enjoy these things to a certain extent. For the first few hours I am enchanted by the creative process, but soon after my first pumpkin pie break it becomes tedious busy work that never seems to end. I love watching this come to fruition, and giggle with mad glee at well-timed audio cues, or simple chunks of narration magically transformed into an intense monster truck show of layered effects, but these things require patience. Regardless, these are things I must have control over so I do them myself. I know what I am capable of, but the abilities of others are a mystery to me. Certainty is a necessity that is more commonly a luxury.

Accepting of course that I am infallible, that everything I do is right, and what my mother said about how I can do anything I put my mind to is true; even if I am capable of doing everything perfectly, everything is a hell of a lot to do. I must learn to delegate tasks, but this goes against more than a decade and a half of bad programing. Back in the good old days of basic education it was standard practice for me to do group projects on my own. As such I never learned essential social skills pertaining to dictatorship, such as divvying workloads, organisation of meetings outside of class, and Japanese water torture.

Slowly but surely I am acquiring theme skills in my work on The Astonishing Dude. Organizing rehearsals and recording session is a challenge best compared to forcefully aligning the planets, where every individual and every resource required is a planet in orbit around my metaphor. This troop rallying is a task I must not give to another because that would encourage my anti-social behavior.

Once the project is recorded I will continue to edit it myself as I have been. However, uploading the project to the new venue, YouTube, is a responsibility I may have to force on others. You see, it's not enough just to upload the show. It was intended for radio. I fear the attention deficit masses will not show interest in my program when there are things out there like YouTube Street Fighter. Animation in some form is required. Kinetic Typography is the approach I'm taking now. Though my program isn't up to the complexities of more impressive works, it's enough, or would be if I had the patience for it. As is, I've worked on it for approximately eight hours and am only an eighth of the way through my thirty minute show. The other more tantalizing option is to include illustrations, but again, if we're gonna do it we're gonna do it right. My editing program doesn't allow for delicate camera movements with still images. The artwork would certainly be enough to carry the piece though. I know I should not be picky, but it is my nature.

I believe film or theater would be an acceptable compromise, or present compromises that would be acceptable, or possibly compromise my acceptance if I go about it all wrong. The point is that in these two live action media lies the potential for artistic communion in my budding criminal empire. I wouldn't be able to do any acting. My body is stiff and awkward. Plus, if I wrote the script, which would be the plan, I wouldn't be able to memorize it. Ask anyone I've ever written an email to, and they will tell you that these blogs are like children's books in comparison. My dialog tends to be on the wordy side. Plus I have the memory of a brain damaged goldfish. Even other fish would say, "Seriously, man? We passed that pebble like, .0008 seconds ago. What's your problem? Stay with it, bitch!" I would have a better chance of memorizing something I wrote, just as I have an easier time acting out my own writing than scripts from the East Coast folks I tend to do business with online, but it would all be to no avail. Writing and directing would have to go hand in hand. As I understand it, it's uncommon for screenwriters to be involved in a professional production beyond typing the words "The End." Thankfully, I am not yet a professional, so in theory I should have time to build a reputation that demands involvement in as much of the film as possible due to my sheer unrelenting brilliance. I wouldn't have to do all of it myself, which brings me back to the point of this entry.

I feel as though it would be easier for me to relinquish editing duties of a film project to someone qualified for the position than it would be for the radio program. Radio involves a lot of micromanaging and sound design to create a world exclusively through audio. With film most of what the audience perceives is captured by the camera. Foley and music can be added later, but most of the essential elements are there from the start. Editing is done in swift smooth strokes as opposed to subtle jabs. Not that it isn't difficult, especially with multiple takes and angles to choose from. I don't wish to insult any filmmakers, I'm simply making observations from my experience. The process is different, and I feel it would be easier for me to leave the post-production, pre-production, and present-tense-production to the professionals and I would have less need to be in complete control (though I would still like to supervise.)

Projects on the table:

1. The Astonishing Dude Episode 3 (Still need casting, rehearsals, and to actually record the damn thing.)
2. Lawrence The Majestic (Originally intended to adapt my short story into a short film. That didn't work out. It's going to be much longer. Still need to finish the script. We'll wing it from there.)
3. Unnamed Project (Read part of a script I started to my allies. It seemed to illicit a positive response, and a potential internet meme. It sounds promising enough I may need to focus more attention on it. Will possibly become a YouTube series... if I actually manage to complete a script and build the drive and courage to actually do something with it. That's a big problem with a lot of my work. There's so much I want to accomplish, but I lack the ambition to get off my ass.)
4. Everything F-ing else (As usual, my attempts at novel writing are set to the back burner. As much as I like writing, most of it involves keeping to myself for prolonged periods of time. I would much prefer to mix work and play-time by doing projects I can work on with friends. Plus I'm not good at things like "plot" or "world creation." Dialog is my thing. It's what I do.)

This reminds me; I ran into one of my former writing teachers. She commented on how I do a lot of little projects that don't seem to go anywhere. That wasn't precisely the way she worded it, but that was the point, and it's something that has been on my mind. It seems no matter what I do very little in my life changes. When something does go off in a new direction, eventually the road runs out and I'm back where I started. It's like my fate is a giant rubber-band. The more I accomplish and the further away I get from my default position of uselessness and unproductivity the more it hurts when it finally snaps back, and it always snaps back. I tried school. I tried animation. I tried writing class. I tried radio. It seems as though I am only able to do things for a certain amount of time and I'm back with nothing. It takes so much effort to get as far as I do, but eventually circumstances send me back. I must find a way to escape this eternal return.

I just hope my path lies in the direction of art, and not in the direction of incurable disease, violent crimes, or horrible mind fracturing accidents that unlock the deepest recesses of my mind and release all of my various suppressed fears and paranoia causing them to manifest in a complete alteration of the way I perceive the world around me so that I am never able to will myself into becoming a productive member of society due to the fact that I am never able to follow the infrastructure of the fabricated reality mankind has built for itself after centuries of deluding itself into believing that the path to enlightenment lies in a convoluted system of populous control built around abstract concepts such as law and order that has been perverted and exploited by corrupt bureaucrats who value bartering units over human life.

That would be a bummer.

Pathos and goodwill,

Lord Veltha

Sewing the Seeds of Fate

The whole point of school, as I understand it, is to learn what you need to learn in order to lead a successful and/or fulfilling life. The system doesn't seem to hold to that ideal (though I've heard great things about Evergreen State, and considering half the people I know go there there must be a reason for it.) Do what you've gotta do to do what you want to do. A well-rounded education certainly isn't gonna hurt. If you're familiar with history, psychology, literature, what-have-you, you can draw from it for inspiration and craft better stories. It's not so much what you know as it is what you can do, and most importantly who knows what you can do. If college can help you get the connections you need in order to get into your desired field then that's definitely the way to go. That was one of the big draws the Art Institute had. Not only could they teach you how to make video games, they had actual connections to developers! Hell, if it weren't for the poor learning environment, bad hours, the soul crushing debt I had taken on in student loans, my own emotional baggage, and the fact I only had one class that actually pertained to my goals and I felt really passionate about while all the others were about covering bridges in fabric and teaching students how to use a keyboard, then by golly I would've stayed. As it stands, I physically had to hold myself back to keep from hurling myself into traffic. I did get a great bag from that school though. It's been with me for years. I've never had a backpack last this long.

I have done my fair share of research, and the general consensus, even among comic artists, is that comics are a waste of time and money (I would love to link to a specific article where the first words of advice are "Cancel all social engagements for the next seven years," but I can't seem to find it again.) Unless fortune smiles on you and you become an instant success you're gonna want a regular job to keep a roof over your head and instant ramen in your stomach, and that's where the college education helps because it looks good when you are applying for a managerial position at Blockbuster. Me? I'm dumber than a lobotomized sheep and have the social skills of a land-mine with palsy. The creative arts are my only shot at a life.

Resources are important. A battle plan must be forged before drastic measures are taken. Unless you have a game plan, you could end up a chronically unemployed, socially-disengaged, eternally recurring pursuer of knowledge doomed to fail, overlord like myself whether you continue with school or not. Don't ditch school unless you have a firm grasp of what you need to do to succeed. Failure is still a possibility, and I understand how terrifying risk can be, but some times you just gotta blind-fire around the corner and hope for the best too. You need tools in order to carve your dreams into the bathroom stall of life. Sadly, I'm just now starting to learn for myself how to get the ball rolling and how to request assistance when the proverbial sphere starts rolling back down the hill of adversity because I'm arrogant enough to assume I can do everything on my own, and ignorant enough to assume I should.

The Astonishing Dude was one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. It was a way to utilize my writing abilities, learn new skills, bring my allies together, and finally create something after years of struggling with projects I start but never finish and certainly never put before an audience. It was all thanks to a chain of events that began with a simple newspaper. This was one of the few times I was able to fully take matters into my own hands and place myself well outside of my comfort zone, risking complete failure and embarrassment, yet reigning triumphant (for a couple months...)

I wish to do this again. I am keeping my eye out for opportunities again. I am in the midst of tentatively adapting a short story into a screenplay that I will possibly place in the hands o cinematographic mercenaries as a means of testing those waters for a possible future. I need time to prepare and organize a strike-force to re-initiate The Astonishing Dude (I must also seek a new online host for the show. An official Astonishing Dude website would be best, but I will settle for MySpace if I can find someone to design the page for me.) I am also seeking financial aid and enrollment assistance so that I may audit a theater class. I have no intention of enrolling full-time or attempting to get a degree. My only wish is to exploit the school for services I am interested in, learning that which I am eager to learn, and using those tools of the trade to construct a dreadnought of acting ability that I may use to rule the world! Even the Vancouver Voice, the gateway that allowed me to accomplish my finest achievement, had a posting that they were for want of a Neighborhood Beats writer, for which I have inquired about but have not received a reply, and really have no delusions that I will. I am experimenting. I am watching. I am in wait for the next time Fate shows a weakness, that I might perchance to savagely forge for myself a brighter future in her blood.

(Disclaimer: I am an unemployed overlord with delusions of hope. I am in no way encouraging anyone to terminate their education. I am merely trying assist people in realizing personal empowerment so that they may get a hold of their lives in a way they feel is right for themselves. This commentary does not reflect the opinions of anyone other than a depraved and beaten man who lives at home with his mother. Only you can prevent forest fires. Winners don't use drugs. The more you know...)

Lord Veltha Versus Happiness

It has come to my attention that in principal such things as wealth, power, and fame are not goals people strive for, but the means to their goal. That goal of course is happiness.

Happiness is by definition, "a state of well-being and contentment." The dictionary as always is particularly vague when it comes to subjects of importance such as this, and it is best that people are left to define their own happiness. (The dictionary does however contain the long sought after meaning of "life." Why it has never occurred to people to look it up in the dictionary is beyond me.)

I do not feel as though my problem lies in un-happiness. I am by nature a happy person, but I am away from my natural habitat where I can be myself to the best of my ability. I am away from my natural habitat due to avoidant behavior. I avoid things due to the fear that somehow I will make things worse than they are. It is much safer for me to hide within the confines of my impregnable fortress.

Psychologically, even chronically miserable people have in some depraved way found happiness. Try to snap them out of it and watch how their mood goes from bad to worse. Humans are comforted by that which is familiar to them. Take away that comfort and latent survival instincts kick in. Fending for emotional survival isn't often considered a state of well-being. (This link is not even the least bit relevant.)

If happiness is the goal, then I fear I am going about it all wrong. No amount of therapy can MAKE me happy. Discussing pertinent issues such as relationships and economic ways to destroy the world is helpful without a doubt, but the whole point is to allow me to integrate myself into the world and become a productive member of society. That is the key. I'm learning how to cope with reality, not how to participate in it. I am about as well adjusted as I'm going to get, frightening though it may sound. Therapy will not bring me happiness, and I'm afraid more therapy will only not bring me happiness to a greater extent. It's time I learned how to do things on my own. Only then will I be fit to rule this world with an iron fist.

As such, there are only two things that will bring me happiness.

1) A positive social life

2) Purpose

Group gatherings occur when I am invited to or send invitations to planned events, yet my not-the-least-bit-creepy-or-stalkerish research suggests many shared activities are spontaneous. I'm simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Comrades frequently in close proximity to each other are more likely to ensue in mischief.

Plausible Solution: Discover a method for maintaining consistent social contact with friends in person, whether it be to arrange a meeting place or get over my anti-social pansy-assedness and call people once in a while. Phones aren't that scary.

Alternative Solution: Kidnapping. It seems to work for most evil overlords. Besides, when does brain-washing go wrong?

Purpose is a little trickier. I can not simply slap a sticker on an activity or job and call it purpose. The key as always is to FEEL like it's my purpose. As it so happens there are two activities I feel a strong connection to, however I think I have described the pros and cons before. Writing is problematic as I'm inconsistent in my writing habits and abilities, and in order to move forward in my life I would need to complete a project. My voice box however is armed and cocked (...*cough*...), I just don't know where to take it.

Plausible Solution: Ask for help. I have resources I could exploit. I know people who know things about knowing things. I could ask for assistance from people connected to the field, and people may even give it to me without having to resort to mind-control.

Alternative Solution: Mind control

I must take charge of my life to ensure that I have a future. Perhaps I will get started on that tomorrow.

Pathos and goodwill

Lord Veltha is a typhoon of WIN

It's official. I am a tropical cyclone of amateur voice acting success. It's been almost a month since my last post, and in that time I have landed a slew of roles that will surely not become overwhelming in the least.
...
*cough*

Upon being cast in Naruto The Abridged Series Movie (and hookers!) my ego was inflated to beyond healthy proportions and I decided to investigate further roles. The fellow who kindly pointed me in the direction of the "Old Guy" audition mentioned that he was casting for Wild ARMS Abridged.

For those who don't know (namely my parents) an "Abridged Series" is a fan made series of videos often posted on YouTube where anime fans condense thirty minute episodes into eight or ten minutes, often lampshading confusing plot points, making fun of annoying characters, or completely changing a character's personality (or ethnicity, eh?) Often the resulting show becomes almost completely unrecognizable. There are many many bad ones, and even the more popular ones will make you want to lick a cheese grater to get your mind off of the pain, but they are altogether a somewhat humorous display of fandom.

For more information, consult the media entertainment equivalent of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: TV Tropes

After auditioning and receiving praise (and yea, even lending some requested script assistance) I got the role. I didn't know how many of the roles I got until now, but I'll get to that.

It was also from this source I learned of Voice Acting Alliance, which is a resource for amateur voice actors, directors, producers, etc who have all come together with a common goal: be awesome. It was here I decided to bite off more than I can chew, and why I continue to resemble a cow chewing cud.

For the record (and because my own memory is so terrible that I really need to write this crap down somewhere) here is the current list of projects I'm engaged in.

Wild ARMS Abridged (Abridged series based on Wild ARMS: Twilight Venom)
-Sheyanne Rainstorm (High normal voice. I didn't even audition for it! No kidding! I hate my voice...)
-Dr. Kiel Arronax (AKA "Doctor Captain Pirate Mullet". Brock Samson)

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Black Nerv Project (Not sure what the final name is, but it's a parody of Evangelion. From the looks of the script, I don't think they actually shortened it, so I don't think it's "Abridged." Amazing script though.)
-Fuyutsuki (The Old Guy strikes again! Get off my lawn!)
-Male Announcers 1, 2, and 3, helicopter pilots, crew mamber (I haven't gotten a critique yet on my auditions, so I'm not sure what I'm doing here. For these I mostly used variations on my annoying normal voice, and Stu Brawny Johnson. (Think Coach Z from homestarrunner.com))
-Sachiel The Angel (They said "Go nuts!" I went nuts, throwing in every voice I can do. I don't know what one they chose, and may not know until the show is finished because they only needed that one line.)

By the way, they're still looking for actresses.

Mega Man X: Vile (A fan-made RPG based on the Mega Man X series.)
I auditioned for four roles, and didn't get any of them because my voices didn't fit the characters. Luckily, I still got parts.
-Metal Shark Player (Auditioned for Dr. Wily. High-pitched pirate. Yeah, I'm awesome.)
- Mattrex (KROGNOLON! I have to make him sound sly and not stupid though. We'll see how that goes.)

I also get to re-audition for the role of Dynamo after having heard more information, and a clip from another audition. (I think I gotta go somewhere between Brock Samson and my normal voice. Have I mentioned I hate my normal voice? Just recordings though. I can and do talk to myself incessantly.)

That's not a whole lot, right? Sure my social life is suffering, but that's because I've been reclusive and depressed! Now I'll be isolated from the people I care about because of my heavy workload, the way it's SUPPOSED to be. Just in time for the holidays. (That's okay, people can pick up their Snowflake Day presents next month.)

I have a lot of links scattered around in this post. I don't know if they'll transfer over to Facebook or not. If not, then tough luck.

(Quick Rant: I downloaded a Dragonball Raging Blast demo last night. Now, why the HELL would they put out a demo of a FIGHTING GAME and not make it TWO PLAYER? It's RIDICULOUS!)

Pathos and good will,
Lord V.

Lord Veltha VS Nostalgia

Updates, updates, updates.

I haven't been on Blogger for some time now. I could look up when my last post was, but by that time I'd lose focus and never find my way back to actually writing a new post.

The Astonishing Dude seems to have all but stopped. I seem to have caught the Suck-Virus (if that sounds disgusting, believe me, it is. I don't understand how so many people can live life without being awesome.) and have trouble with minor things such as dialing phones, sending emails, or making it to the library to check out books that I've had on hold until the hold expires (I did finally get one though! It's, uhh... "Stitches" by David Small, and frankly I'm not sure I'm ready to read it. I should probably take it back.) Hopefully I won't have The Suck for much longer, but it seems to be keeping me indoors a lot. Even when I am able to communicate with someone it's fine while it lasts, but immediately afterwords blah blah blah angst no need to get into that muck.

My mediocre career as a voice actor flickers on though. I've recently been cast in the role of Sandayu "The Old Guy" Asama in the Naruto The Abridged Series Movie. In a super roundabout way, as things tend to fall, I auditioned for minor roles in Sonic Abridged, a guy said NTAS was lookin' for someone, and lo and behold I got the part. I have yet to actually get in touch with Vegeta3986, but I must have patience (Not everyone is as burdened with having excessive quantities of free time as myself. Woe is me.) and in time I will be killed by a ninja train (Yes, the train itself is a ninja. It hurls more kunai then anyone else and kills the most people. It might not be the most stealthy assassin what with being a train and all, but hey... this is Naruto we're talking about. they don't actually place a heavy emphasis on stealth.)

I'm writing again. It's been a while. While this is wonderful news considering I'm at my most attuned with greatness when I'm clacking away at a keyboard telling stories that in all likelihood will never reach the eyes of readers, I'm not... actually... uh...

You see, the thing is... this thing I'm writing, while it's great I'm writing it... it's... uh... well, it's it's it's... fan-fiction.

You have to understand. I have horrible associations with fan-fiction on at least two counts. No.1 is quality. I realize that not everyone writes as terribly as the admittedly funny and equally grammatical-aneurysm inducing freakfest of "My Immortal" (of which I have only read about on TVtropes.org and decided I'm not in the right state of mind to read the actual... thing.) but I tend to associate fan-fiction with crap. I'm not saying anything I write is any better (I'm just gracious enough to hide it from anyone and everyone), and I'm sad to admit there are fan-produced works that are better than anything I do, I'm saying that this is my association.

No.2 is more personal. I have this overwhelming need to make something of myself and do things that I deem "Productive." I have no real direction in life, so I don't fully understand how I classify something as productive, but it seems to correspond to busy work I feel good doing. I have this grand scheme that some of my work falls into, but I know full well that this plot will never come to fruition. I'm just working for the sake of working and daydreaming that something good will come of it. With that said; working on an project comprised of unoriginal ideas that I cannot use to further my rhetorical goals seems like a waste of time. It does keep me writing though, and any time spent writing can't be considered a waste of time. It makes me happy. It gets my limited capacity for creativity flowing. It keeps my mind off of other issues. All is well.

Even my doodles are going the way of parody. I'm halfway through my series of AWESOME Luke doodles, depicting how A New Hope would be different if Luke Skywalker didn't suck. The best description I've heard was that this is what Star Wars would be like if Happy Noodle Boy were Luke, which brought me no end of amusement. I originally started doodling again as a way to express my neurotic thoughts, which I continue to do when I come across a thought I'm able to make fun of, but now it's mostly AWESOME Luke (and I do feel the need to capitalise awesome, which may be another neurotic thing.) The idea came about one day as I was walking about daydreaming about Sonic The Hedgehog, as usual, when I started casting Sonic characters as Star Wars roles. After about half an hour of debate I cast Sonic as Luke and laughed at the thought of Luke being awesome. Then the doodles began of AWESOME Luke, and soon after I caved in to the urge to actually write what I'd originally been daydreaming about.

So now everything I'm doing revolves around fandom and parody. My voice acting, writing, and doodles.

I have learned something about myself though. I've learned that nostalgia plays a key role in my life. I learned this while browsing Overclocked Remix. Most of the songs on my MP3 player are either punk covers of old songs, or video game OSTs and remixes. I only listen to songs I've heard before. I have trouble getting into new music. I don't listen to the radio, and when it's on I tend to tune it out. When friends on Facebook post videos of their favorite bands I listen, but I don't feel any connection. Even ripping CDs for Mom I occasionally say, "You know, the rhythm, the melody, everything here is something I would like... but I don't."

Video games are the same way. If I play a new game in a series it feels... wrong. I couldn't get into Sonic Advance, and even Sonic Rush (which is now one of my favorite games) felt odd at first because I'm so used to playing the Genesis titles over and over until I play them by heart the way someone sings a song by heart. When people sing do they remember the words? When I sing the words just flow out. Come the second or third verse I have to remember the first line, but then the rest pours out naturally and I'm not even sure i know what I'm singing. That's how I play video games, and Sonic especially. Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack In Time came out recently. Now, when I got Tools of Destruction it had been a good few years since I played the previous games, and I'd only played through each of them once or twice. When CiT came out I decided to go through all of the games in order before I picked it up at the store. It'd been a long time since I played through the series, so I had nothing memorised, but when I saw things I recalled seeing them before, almost like deja vu. Once I started playing CiT things felt weird. There may be a few cosmetic differences, but every R&C game is pretty much the same. The thing that felt odd wasn't that the game was new, it was that I didn't remember it. I need things to be familiar. I don't respond well to change.

I might be getting a psychological evaluation soon. My therapist asked me last week if I'd ever had one. She felt terrible that she hadn't asked sooner. She also apologized a lot because she didn't want me to feel like there was something "wrong" with me. I know there's nothing "wrong," but I also know there's a whole lot keeping me from being "right," and I'd like to have a better understanding of what that is.

I played Commodore 64 last night for the first time in years. It felt great, even though I died without getting any farther in The Amazing Spider-Man than I have before (Drowning in dookie water.) Batman: The Caped Crusader is just as impossible as I remember, but a lot funnier ("You got the A Fried Egg.") I also suck at Kings of the Beach now, which was never the case before. My reaction time is completely shot. I'm thinking about hooking up my Genesis, even though most of the games I own I've been playing on PS2. The feel of a classic controller can't be emulated.

The Treads on the Battle Tank Keep Spinning

Behold! Episode 1 of The Astonishing Dude (now referred to as TAD for short, 'cause I like that better then AD, and yes these things are important to me and you can't take away my freedom stop trying to control my life leave me alone I'm not hungry I'm going to my room and I'm never coming back OMG sugar rush!) has been completed!

All goes according to plan. As per standard production procedure I worked on that sucker 'til it was time to head out the door and abuse the auditory canals of those fortunate enough to hear our masterwork. Keeping the volume consistent throughout the piece was the biggest difficulty I had. No, finding sound effects was, but the volume came a close second (which reminds me that I need to do some more sound hunting if I'm going to pull off the upcoming commercial breaks. I should delegate this task to someone else. Any volunteers? Who wants to find me a bowling ball, a toaster, an agitated hamster, and an aerosol can full of doughnut batter? Think of it as a scavenger hunt.) The great thing is that no matter how many times I listened to this thing it never got boring. Animation gets old fast. Granted, it takes a hell of a lot longer too. This show though... this show is astonishing through and through. My only disappointment is that we didn't have the recorder going when we did our live cast commentary. Sad day. (I know most of what I said, so I could record my own commentary... but I think blogging is the full extent I'm willing to take my ego. It just wouldn't be the same without my outstanding comrades anyway.)

And Episode 2 is officially underway! Armed with previous experience, our intrepid hero (overlord) ventures not into the unknown wilderness of radio play production, but into the familiar lake of tepid and not on the whole unpleasant work that is exhausting, time consuming, but ultimately rewarding. The challenge this month will be to effectively emulate a panic stricken mob of limbless civilians, an overzealous arena of bloodsport fanatics, learn how to apply voice modulation in order to make my actors sound alien but understandable (I cannot understand most alien voices due to their modulation. The Vogons in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio series especially, and most recently Emperor Tachyon's voice in Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction.) and play not one but TWO characters that are much too intense for my stomach to handle. I started getting sick during a run through of the script. I should be fine if I have lots of water handy. The show... must... go on... gasp... *MELODRAMATIC DEATH!*

I am also serving as Director Assistant/Script Master/Nagging Asshole in a film production called Nightbumpers. So far I've only screwed up once, if not twice, and all on our first day of shooting! The first error was when I started doing my job before the cinematographers said cut, and the second was when I might have been in the shot when the camera person did a pan of the set for extra coverage. I'm looking forward to the next day of shooting. I've never been a part of something like this. At the art school I was an animator, and wasn't involved in anything that required actual filming. I did write one screenplay and was there for shooting, but I dunno... that was different. I don't get that awkward feeling that I don't belong there though, which is good and quite surprising. I got a little nervous when I had to actually, you know, do my job, but I think that went alright. (I still need a copy of the script. I don't think I can keep hoarding the Director's. I may also bring some blue masking tape and a dry erase marker for the sake of taking blue masking tape and a dry erase marker.)

I'm working on learning to draw. Oddly, whenever I try to draw the way I'm taught I fail. I can't get beyond the two-dimensional wire frame model I've created. It should be a simple matter of cleaning up lines, really no different from my normal process, but something feels wrong. Winging it seems to be providing better and better results. Characters aren't especially detailed, there's no shading, texture, or color to speak of. Hands, feet, and faces continue to be my eternal adversaries. On the positive side, I have two tolerable sketches of myself: the infamous Lord Veltha. Other more pressing matters have taken time away from my pencil practice, but I feel that with the progress I've been making it will only be a few years until I become what artists refer to as "okay."

The world is in my hands. It's only a matter of time.

(And if you haven't already, check out www.imeem.com/astonishingdude for great justice!)

Accomplishment: Still working on it...

Here I am, again, sitting here in an attempt to relay a harrowing tale of my immense success and I've got nothing. This happens on occasion. It's usually a result of hunger, fatigue, or "I had a long day and I'd rather be playing video games or reading comic books." More often then not it's a combination of all three, and today is no exception. The only difference is that usually I post BS like this on LiveJournal where that sort of textureless monologing with no depth to speak of belongs (and I usually spell out bullshit.)

Last week my colorful associates and I met up at the legendary WSU Vancouver and recorded episode one of the soon to be legendary Astonishing Dude. I can't praise them enough. I'm trying though. I'm in the process of editing, and when I hear their lines I rush out of the room and onto FaceBook (I could call them, but then they'd have to get off the computer to answer the phone.) so that I may praise them. After the first two I decided I was making little progress as it was and kept working. I'll be sure to maul them later and suffocate them with praise.

Recording went smoothly. I seem to have given my actors all of the difficult to pronounce words and left all the easy ones to myself. (I'm curious to know how many directors have uttered the phrase, "Let's take it from molecular carbonation.") I was actually surprised at the lack of swearing when it came to line flubs. (I managed to take second place with only "damnit" and "son of a bitch." Actually, maybe I tied for first. The only other person who came close had three damnits. I'm not done editing yet, so maybe there're more lurking about. It could be anyone's game.)

The best part was that the super wonderful station manager, the cunning minx that she is, invited us to see the radio station. She did the exact same thing the last time I was there. First it's "Hey, do you wanna see the station?" and once we're there she slaps some headphones on us, throws us in front of the mics and runs away laughing gleefully over the horison. She's like a person selling kittens.

"Hey, would you like a kitten?"
"No thak you. I'm not interested."
"I bet you are."
"No, really, my mom's allergic. If she even sees one her windpipe swells shut and she can't breathe."
"Would you like to hold one?"
"Um... no..."
"I think one of them is trying to escape."
"What? I don't see..."
"Here, just hold this one while I go after the other."
"Uh... sure. Okay."
"There you go."
"OH MY GOD IT'S ADORABLE!"
"Hmm... seems as though I was mistaken. I could have sworn that..."
"I'LL TAKE TWO!"
"(Sucker)"

I think we may have a two hour time slot on Fridays from 2-4pm (Which can be heard at www.kougradio.com and I think maybe eventually some time soon some other site I don't remember or something. You should listen to it anyway. They play yodeling!) I haven't talked to anyone about it though... so I have no idea what we're doing. Then again, we didn't know what we were doing THEN, so what difference does it make? Maybe we'll read more horoscopes.

I've been keeping fairly busy, but I've made some time for myself. I've only spent 12 hours or so editing episode one, and I'm a bit over ten minutes into the show. Most of the time has been spent online foraging for sound effects. I'm sure once I get all the ones I need future episodes will go a lot quicker. I need to download all the sounds I can find (that work and are of reasonable quality) just to make damn sure I'll have what I need later (especially for the Rube Goldberg Home Kitchen Appliences commercial.)

There are three reasons I haven't spent more time working on this project. 1: I spent the weekend in Snoqualmie. 2: I'm handi-capable and have a rough time with mornings when I don't sleep at night due to the heat. 3: My laptop and external hard drive do not function properly at high temperatures (my laptop completely burnt out once, and today my external hard drive konked out and wouldn't turn back on until I slapped an icepack on it. It's such a diva...)

Now here I am trying to make sense of everything. I don't think I can, and I've given up trying. It seems to have worked out pretty well in my favor. I have four and a third scripts written, so we may only do five shows. This is a killer energy suck. Not that I'm complaining. I get to write and direct, hang out with my friends, and make something that will provide entertainment to dozens. This is exactly what I want. I've got a good thing going and I should follow it 'til the track runs out. Maybe it'll lead me to ways I can accomplish my other goals.

Radio Killed the Literary Star

At long last my battle with animation has come to an end, and it has been praised. It’s odd that it took me so long to complete, but this is no time to dwell on the past. Those were turbulent times, filled with tears and great strife. Now the final element linking me to that past has been vanquished and I will be able to move forward into the promising future beyond the horizon. A future in radio.

Today I began my fifth script for The Astonishing Dude and remote-recorded one of my actors before they ship overseas to Japan (She’s a robot and requires yearly maintenance. Allying myself with a robot goes against all of my better judgment and experience with science fiction movies, but she plays a mighty fine diseased pull string doll, and for that I am grateful.) Next week I will be able to record the rest of my cast as an ensemble. I expect the utmost professionalism from them. Not a single line will be flubbed, and at absolutely no point during the recording session will they break out into fits of uncontrollable laughter. I place all of my faith in their capable vocal chords.

Once the series begins my free time will become limited, assuming we’re attempting to maintain a weekly deadline. I’ll have to write one script a week, organize rehearsals, schedule recording sessions, edit and mix the show, then play it at KOUG Radio for all to enjoy. This isn’t impossible. Shows like SNL prove that. It may not be entertaining, but weekly deadlines can be met. I am a male Virgo, and quite incapable of multitasking. I can do one thing at a time, and that one thing must be perfect. The primary concerns are my poor writing habits and unifying everyone else’s schedule. With paint and canvas you can almost always guarantee that you’ll have everything you need to create your art. When your artistic medium requires people things become difficult. Paint brushes don’t have lives of their own. This isn’t a professional production. People are going to be scrambling for jobs and going to school, if not both. They may not be available on my easel when I need them. Meanwhile I will be so consumed by this production that I won’t have time for anything else. I’m fortunate that my comrades are involved in this project. Being the overlord is lonely work, but at least in this endeavor I won’t be alone. These people I am working with are more important to me than anything. They are the reason I continue to fight (I mean, yes, I am human, and as such I am inherently selfish. It would be more accurate to say that I fight for my own happiness and being able to associate with my comrades makes me happy and as such it is in my best interest to persevere through my madness so that I may spend time with them, but people reading this blog may not have the time to read through such a long winded explanation of my motivations. I have no desire to inconvenience anyone by going on and on about something that could easily be summed up in a short sentence. I dare say I’m being ironic. Imagine that.)

The other problem is that I am unable to stretch out a storyline beyond half an hour. The station manager suggested a one-hour time slot. I understand the need for nice even numbers (I'm a Virgo.) If we are given an hour to fill the best thing to do would be to see about getting cast members together at the station and talking about the process (or whatever comes up. There's really no telling sometimes.) It would be like episode commentary on DVD, but live. I for one would find that to be most enjoyable, and I'm sure my cast would love it as well. It would also be a great opportunity for my talented composer to discuss his work if he was in the area at the time of the broadcast. Another bonus for me is that if I assemble people together in a small room to talk about the show ideas may pop up that could be utilized in a future script. At present I am wholly dependent on my own imagination to provide interesting plot lines. My imagination and Netflix (Ah, I do love me some Justice League.)

For some time I have had the desire to return to the piece I was writing prior to my work on The Astonishing Dude. However, any time spent writing must, for the sake of great justice, be spent writing scripts for my radio series. I’m trying to compromise by drawing my characters (and myself. I’m not looking so good.) before I retire to my chaimbers in the evening. I am not a visual artist, and I do not claim to be a visual artist, but I will say that I’ve improved ever so slightly since the last time I attempted to draw human figures. For the sake of good taste I may have to stick to drawing machines, beasts, and plush kitties. If people begin gouging out their eyes due my atrocious sketching there will be no one left to gaze upon my handsome visage (Someone told me I had a pretty smile yesterday. They actually used the word pretty to describe my smile. I wasn’t sure whether to smite them or not, so I hired a former serial killer to decide for me. His judgment was swift.) My dream for this novel… is to write it. Actually finishing it would be a huge step, and despite how obvious it may seem to the future of the work it is something that quite escapes my mind. I would like key points of the story to be illustrated by various comic book artists. The idea is to have each character be drawn in a different art style (For example, I would be illustrated by Yoshitaka Amano. I have high aspirations.) Before I am able to have prestigious artists create work based on my story I must create something great that piques their interest in me. No matter. We will find a way.

Until then we shall continue to draw horribly disfigured people whose parents were clearly involved in substance abuse.

Operation: ASTONISHMENT!

I apologize for the extensive duration of time between my previous post and this one that I am now 36 vowels into (I think... each time I count the number changes. However, as I am infallible, every number I count to is the correct number of vowels that I count. How's that for logic?)

I am in the midst of a delicate operation. If THIS plan succeeds I will be one step closer to being one step closer to commencing my diabolical MASTER plan of global domination. But, before I go any further, I'll go ahead and start with the stuff people may care about (then I will ramble to my heart's content.)

Alright, so... after I learn how to properly operate my shiny new (and free) audio editing software, I will need to assemble some actors. I can record directly to my laptop, so I'll be able to record people at their convenience, and not have to arrange it so everyone has to gather together in one spot at a certain time. I've got a big long list of characters, so here are a few.

The Astonishing Dude: Stalwart defender of justice and title character.
Announcers: Need deep voiced radio announcer for episode intros and such, as well as intense energy-drink spokesperson, infomercial guy, and sweet lady varieties for commercial breaks.
Dr. Hands: Malevolent mustache-twirler and master of hand-to-hand combat. Forced to turn to crime due to the economic recession, and the need to purchase specialized ambidextrous tools.
Wrench Wench: The Astonishing Dude's sultry mechanic and on-again-off again romantic sub-plot (Although I have yet to see it set to "on".) Cursed by a gypsy to speak in innuendo (Which is surprisingly hard for me to write.)
Krognolon: Champion gladiator of Strugglesphere Four. Big brutish alien guy.
Nuboss: Alien pilot from Strugglesphere with the disposition of a frustrated shift manager at Kinkos.
Frigidaire-Devil: Obligatory ice-themed villain.
John Long the Thermal-Man: Equally obligatory fire-themed villain.
Swing Swordsman: 1920-30's inspired fencer. (The bee's knees, baby. Berries.)
The Shroud: Irritatingly mysterious villain. Melodramatic, and nobody really knows what he does, but it's probably evil... or is it?
Mother: Generic loving mother figure for commercials. The more Joan Cleavery the better.
Timmy: Equally generic little boy-type thing.
Little Girls: Blah blah blah...
TB Tabby Doll: Talking doll with tuberculosis. (Made in Taiwan!)
Jingle Singers: People who sing jingles. So far the only jingle I've written is for Dunky Cream Donuts... and I can't get it out of my head...
Incidentals and Background Characters: People just hangin' out and doin' stuff, whether it be exchanging ring tones, cheering wildly at off-world sporting events, or being violently evicerated. Not to mention the obligatory, "Look! Up in the sky!" dialog that should be expected of something like this.

I have, over the course of the first three episodes, at least 32 roles that need to be filled. The first episode alone has 13 characters. Actors will probably have to fill multiple roles, which shouldn't be too hard. Most of the characters are just incidental/background people that have maybe one line of screaming while their arms are getting ripped off. All in all, it sounds like there's more to this than there really is, but it also means I'll need a wide array of talent. Everything from dramatic announcers, to mothers and children, to semi-sinister villains, to demonic alien gladiators. I've even got a brief scene with zombie cows. ZOMBIE COWS!

Initially, phase 1 of this dastardly scheme consisted of writing as many radio scripts as I could manage so that once we begin broadcasting and I have less time to actually prepare nigh-intelligible dialog, there will be one less thing to rush through production. Perhaps I am falling into the old villainous cliche of impatiently reducing the preparation time and jumping right into the cool stuff with explosions and princess-napping, but I feel that the time has come to begin recording the show. I have two scripts completed, and a third underway. If I am to succeed any further I must learn how to utilize my audio editing facilities. Not only that, but recording my actors will bolster their enthusiasm for this project, and global domination is all about making the people happy (I wouldn't want anyone attempting to overthrow me.)

If I do begin recording, it does not need to be broadcast right away. I'm not entirely certain what my time-line is like, but there's no sense in getting started until I'm certain the operation is safe to commence. I'd still like to get a couple more scripts written up before weekly due dates come into play. It's better to learn and make mistakes before you activate the doomsday weapon, otherwise the hero is certain to find his way into your castle and screw with your important shit. The hero in this case, as is the case for most of my schemes, is Murphy. Murphy's Law is the one law I am most eager to break in order to achieve my goals.

If all goes according to plan, and Murphy does not interfere, I should be ready to start recording by the end of next week (Note the emphasis on the should.) My last post was full of defeat and negativity. That shall not happen again. From now on it's only positive upbeat awe-inspiring awesomeness worthy of the infamous Lord Veltha! In fact, I am so confidant that this plan will suceed I think we need to make promotional posters! (All in due time...)

In other, less important Velthan news, I will be heading to the Vancouver Share House office tomorrow to assist with bulk mailing. I have also registered for Kumoricon 2009... and we'll see how that goes.

Pathos and good will.

Accomplishment: ANIMATION!

At long last my animation project, "What Are You Waiting For?" has been completed! Rejoice in the glory of Lord Veltha!

Okay... maybe it's not... technically... done yet, but it is virtually done. Even as we speak my computer is in the midst of the ever important rendering process, which seems to take about two hours for every minute of film. I must also find a way to get a copy to my producer for approval and organize a premiere party at the lair. Oh, the partying that shall ensue.

Three years ago I graduated from High School. After a brief college enrollment where I learned that really wide rolling backpacks are incredibly ill-designed, how to insert headers in Microsoft Word, how to grow efficiantly despise vector imaging programs (I made my fancy logo in college as a school project dealing with advertising. While other students were promoting products and bands I was developing my image as an evil overlord. Yes, I am awesome.), and that Portland is a horrible horrible place to go to school when you have to bus everywhere, I began working on a project entitled "Ninja Among Us" (a public service announcement that explained the encroaching ninja threat and how to defend yourself. This was back when the Ninja VS Pirates craze was at its peak.) Not long into that I was approached by my animation pimp who got an email from a friend who got an email from a friend about a guy from New York who was looking for a stick figure animator to... animate stick figures... and insert them into one of his old films. I was given the job and I've been working on it almost ever since.

This thing has been taking forever! When I started out I alternated days similar to how my High School schedule was organized. Monday and Wednesday I would write comics, Tuesday and Thursday I would animate, and Friday I would work on my novel. This continued on for a year or so. I was fortunate enough to be allowed sanction in my neighbor's house. They allowed me to use one of their spare rooms to set up my stuff. While I was thankful for this opportunity to have my own little studio, that was really the only place I went. Back and forth through the neighborhood every day. I had nowhere else to go and nobody to talk to. The isolation took its toll. When I finished drawing I was so terrified of the project that I refused to resume work on it. Even when I was allowed to use the animation equipment at my former High School there were several times I wanted to quit. I was watching my work in motion for the first time and did not like seeing how all those months of emotional labor amounted to total crap. Most of my fear stemmed from the knowledge that I would have to go back and re-animate certain scenes, and I had associated many horrible emotions with that activity. It wasn't until I began editing against the original film that I felt things were coming together. I did go back to the drawing board, as they say, and for the first two days it was okay and I laughed at my fears of becoming lost to extreme negativity. By the third day I had no patience for anything and had to keep myself from biting people's faces off.

But it's totally okay now! Now I am done. Now I am driven to ensure that such an experience never befalls me again. I have friends, I have goals, I have passions. I am pushing myself harder than I've ever thought possible to overcome my anxiety and break the cycle of despair. Global domination is at hand! With this animation completed I can focus on other projects what will hopefully allow for collaboration with others. I can start writing again! I would like to focus on my novel, but I am most interested in collaborating with people to produce comic books and short live action films. Tomorrow I get to attend a meeting at the radio station and discuss radio matters... with actual people!

I think most of the meeting will pertain to organizational matters, but I will be introduced to people who are interested in producing a radio drama. I've already emailed the new station manager a couple proposals that I think should be fairly easy to work on. When we find our stride we can pursue stories with more... I dunno... "scope." I'm interested in hearing other ideas. I would be more than happy to do grunt work at the station and provide voice talent. This is a great opportunity for shameless self-promotion since one of the goals of the studio is to make Vancouver more awesome by uniting artists. The station itself is volunteer work, but it is fun volunteer work! This is what I want to do. I may not be the most organized person, but I am committed.

When the animation is, for all intents and purposes, DONE, I must find a way to post it here. I don't want to bother with film festivals. I really don't. If Mr. Guy-In-New-York wants to do that stuff then great. It would be nice to see something done with all of this work, but I am more than happy to see it go away. I must work to accomplish my next mission, whatever that may be.

Pathos and Good Will.

Lord Veltha's First First Friday

The soon to be infamous Lord Veltha has had a grand and eventful day indeed. And what do we do afterwards? Why, we come home and blog about it for the benefit of all those poor souls who were unable to experience our uber keenness first hand! (Where is the umlaut button on the keyboard? When I take over the world...)

First and foremost, we got out of the house and had a great conversation about things we are most passionate about... which amounts to mostly nonsense from an outside observer's perspective. I enjoy conversations with people who understand the great things about the fictional world. I like sticking to what makes sense to me. I'm uncomfortable when I feel stupid, and as an overlord it is imperative that I maintain an air of superiority. I am, as the hip kids say, "All that and a bag of chips." (When is the last time you've ever heard anyone say that? Where does crap like that come from, and more importantly where does it go? I'm sure there's a huge refuse repository devoted to defunct slang and expressions. It's probably on the internet where the rest of the trash goes (present blog excluded... and all the blogs I'm following 'cause you're all cool too, I promise.)) I think there are more promising adventures to be had on the horizon, and I am certainly looking forward to them.

I also had a conversation later about the wonders of hemp. When I take over the world I will find a way for it to be legalized. There's so much it's good for. Ethanol fuel, clothing, construction materials; and it grows like a friggin' weed, unlike trees, which grow like... trees. Besides, people don't really need and excuse to be lazy and hungry all the time as it is, so I see no harm. There was some other political banter that I have completely forgotten, and I apologize for that. I don't relate to "reality" and "important issues" as much as someone who corporeally belongs to the physical universe should. That's why I will hire people to care for me. I'm usually good at listening and either agreeing or disagreeing with what people say, but I can never for the life of me remember what we were talking about or why I agreed/disagreed in the first place. I'd make a great politician.

I also went to pretty much the best toy store ever. I want to work at Kazoodles. Since they're full up at the moment I may have to check back in after the summer when college kids go back to school. I'm so enthusiastic about their products though that I would be perfect. I love that they're trusting enough that they will allow me to ride around on one of their little wiggly scooter things... whatever they're called. They're wiggle powered! Granted, it takes more effort to power that than walking at half-speed, but that's probably because they didn't have the special attachment that allows my knees to not be in my ears. Steering will take experience.

I have also discovered that the first Friday of every month, starting this very day, is the First Friday Art Walk. Walking and art are two of my favorite things, and they have found a way to combine the two using some secret alchemical bonding process. It was also here that I used my influence as an overlord to assist in aiding a talented young singer in getting over her stage fright. I probably wasn't necessary. She had all the support in the world from her accompaniment. It was definitely something to see. Other unique attractions included witnessing my very first duprass (I may have seen several in my life time, but only now do I know the word for it. Knowing something exists makes it much easier to recognize.) and what may or may not have been a doppelganger. I have heard reports of someone toting my impressive visage, but I have been fortunate enough to have never laid eyes on my shadow-self. I've also never mistaken someone for someone else either. Then again, I'm usually too embarrassed to ask. Ha! I am embarrassed no more! Lord Veltha has complete confidence in himself (unless I'm around people who are taller, smarter, or prettier than I. Certain smartness and prettiness I can handle, but some is too much to bare. Tall people are pretty much universally uncomfortable to be around since I'm not used to having to look up at people... or even be eye level. Teachers and authority figures are an exception.)

So... that's it. It was actually a much longer and more exciting day than it sounds.

Accomplishments

• Successfully completed arranged conversation.
• Successfully completed impromptu conversation
• Rode around on awesome stuff at a toy store
• Attended super keen art walk thing
• Purchased Mother's Day gift (which I mustn't forget about.)
• Encouraged awesome musicians
• Made a stupid list of things I think I maybe accomplished in a vain attempt to make life sound more impressive

So, there's that. I had intended to attend the Portland Saturday Market water front grand opening tomorrow, but it's supposed to rain. I will not go to Portland in the rain. It'll be hard enough trying to make my way to and through the city as it is. I will not be haunted by that wet dog smell. My past is best forgotten. *Mysterious Angst* Besides, tomorrow is FREE COMIC BOOK DAY! I'm gonna get me my very own copy of Mirage Studios Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #1! It's so terrifically satirical of the comics from that period. Nothing like the campy (but still eerily wonderful) cartoon series from the 80's. Tomorrow is also the writer's mixer at Cover To Cover Books. They haven't updated their website, so I don't know what the topic will be this week. I know there's one coming up about writing compelling villains. I'm very interested in what they have to say.

I need a sandwich. I haven't eaten anything today save for a granola bar and some antacids.

Post Script: I have a hold on "How To Win Friends and Influence People" at the library, and it just came in. I should have picked it up and walked around reading it. What was I thinking?