Showing posts with label toys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toys. Show all posts
Monday, May 7, 2012
Avengers: Disassembled and reconstructed
It was recently requested of me by an avid and devilishly handsome follower of mine whom I don't mind flattering given that he has already praised me enough be asking to hear my ever-so-important opinion on an ever-so-important subject:
The Avengers
It's a comic book movie. That is a given. There are going to be a fair share of things in it no matter how well it was done that may or may not fly if you strain yourself thinking about it too much, but I will tell you right now that it was done very well. Very well. Deserving of 204.5 million dollars opening weekend. I will now task myself with identifying all of the negative points of this movie, all of which are completely irrelevant as I in my humble opinion, as a fan of comics and Happy Meal toys based on them, that it is one of the greatest super hero movies ever made. Given that my otherwise brilliant intellect goes mushy and dumb due to my tendency to fan-girl, my suspension of disbelief has actually been tested and reduced thanks to a wonderful review of Tim Burton's "Batman" film by ComicsAlliance.com, allowing me to see the flaws in even a movie as critically acclaimed as The Avengers. Let's get that out of the way so I can fan-girl.
The first thing I noticed right from the opening scene was the camera work. That shouldn't happen. That is rule number one of attaining a suspension of disbelief. You should not notice the camera. If you notice the camera, then you notice you're watching a film, and it stops becoming real. I think that is a newly identified pet peeve of mine. There are so many skewed camera angels that for a while I was expecting Cesar Romero to jump into frame in clown makeup. There was a rather unsubtle Sheeple Vs FREEDOM theme playing out early on that seemed cornier than Iowa, and in a throwaway line it seems that Allfather Odin himself handwaved the necessity of the Bifrost bridge that was destroyed in his son's movie. Loki's evil plan was a little simple by God of Mischief standards now that I think about it, and if you come away learning one thing from this film it is something comics have been teaching us since 1941: the bow and arrow are the most effective weapons in the history of mankind. In the long run, none of this matters.
What matters are the characters. Co-writer (along with Zak Penn, famed for one of the greatest movies of all time: "The Last Action Hero") and director Joss Whedon knows these characters, as best summarized by his Comic-Con 2010 interview in which he said, "these people shouldn't be in the same room, let alone on the same team -- and that is the definition of family." Captain America is a good ol' boy from the 1940's who believes in God and country, and has to adjust to the world around him in an appropriately awkward and uncomfortable fashion. Iron Man is sassier than ever thanks to the Whedony script. Thor was cocky, and genuinely concerned for his brother which was actually played very sweetly. Hawkeye was physically improbable. Bruce Banner's character was brilliant, alternating nicely between fidgety and bitter. Most of his screen time is spent either trying to shy away and be a fly on the wall, uncomfortably being brought into conversations against his will, or being angrily snarky about everything. Some of Mark Ruffalo's fidgeting seemed a little forced, but I forgive him because he still looked appropriately anxious for someone with a very severe and very violent mental disorder. Nick Fury was closer to his comic book counterpart than he's ever been, really playing up the most important aspect of who he is: the protector of the whole friggin' world. This man is willing to do whatever it takes to keep everybody safe from everything, whether you like it or not. The Black Widow, after this film, deserves her own movie. After being nothing more than a silent pair of murderous legs in tights in Iron Man 2, Scarlet Johnson actually gets to play a complete character. She's funny, complicated, badass, and everything a female super hero should be and has never been before. If anything, I would encourage people to see this movie just to support the the Women's Right to be Awesome movement. I mean hell, not only was she a complete character, the zipper on her suit didn't even reveal any cleavage. I wasn't looking to be a pervert, I was just curious that they honestly didn't try to sex up Scarlett Johansson for a comic book movie. This is America after all. I can't help but applaud fair representations of super-women.
So, now let's talk about The Hulk. I want to talk about Hulk, so we're talking about the Hulk. Half of the movie was lifted high above comic book movie standards by a great ensemble cast, who then graciously handed it to a big brutish green rage-beast... who then proceeded to make the midnight premier auditorium of my local Regal Cinema, and every theater since from what I've heard, scream and cheer so loud it could have drowned out all of the explosions in Michael Bay's wildest dreams. This became the Hulk's movie. That is what you will hear from anybody who has seen it. The Hulk stole this movie, and proceeded to let everyone know that even after Iron Man tried to take it back that the movie belonged to The Hulk. Even Loki was blown away by how incredible the Incredible Hulk was. There is a scene, and you'll know it when you see it, where it is apparent that Tom Hiddleston read the script, made a very shocked expression, froze in place, they dressed him up and filmed the scene, and then had to use smelling salts and muscle relaxants to thaw him out of his coma-like state to film the rest of the movie, all because the Hulk was just that awesome.
This is not a thinking man's movie. There are no real deep philosophical questions asked, although some were implied. There aren't any deeply personal internal conflicts that are explored by the characters, even though every single one of them has huge emotional problems that I'm sure will be addressed in further sequels (particularly Captain America, assuming they ever decide to use him in a good movie.) No, this is a movie for people who like to cheer for the good guys. This is for fans of witty dialog, explosions, great ensemble casts, and eye patches. This movie is for people who enjoy life. If you want to be happy I suggest watching this movie. I suggest bringing friends and arming yourself with ridiculous props from your nearest retailer. I suggest sitting through the credits, watching a little something that maybe three people in the audience with you will understand the gravity of, sitting through more credits, and then being casually reminded of how amazing the movie you just watched was.
The Dark Knight was once hailed as the greatest super hero movie of all time, and it deserved the title all things considered. It had a decent plot. It had drama. It had Heath Ledger as The Joker.
We have a Hulk.
Avengers Assemble,
Lord Veltha
Edit: I negelected to mention the importance of having a nerdy friend explain the plot of Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger if you haven't seen those movies. I think you can get by without them, but they do give you a better sense of... never mind they're not important.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Lord Veltha's First First Friday
The soon to be infamous Lord Veltha has had a grand and eventful day indeed. And what do we do afterwards? Why, we come home and blog about it for the benefit of all those poor souls who were unable to experience our uber keenness first hand! (Where is the umlaut button on the keyboard? When I take over the world...)
First and foremost, we got out of the house and had a great conversation about things we are most passionate about... which amounts to mostly nonsense from an outside observer's perspective. I enjoy conversations with people who understand the great things about the fictional world. I like sticking to what makes sense to me. I'm uncomfortable when I feel stupid, and as an overlord it is imperative that I maintain an air of superiority. I am, as the hip kids say, "All that and a bag of chips." (When is the last time you've ever heard anyone say that? Where does crap like that come from, and more importantly where does it go? I'm sure there's a huge refuse repository devoted to defunct slang and expressions. It's probably on the internet where the rest of the trash goes (present blog excluded... and all the blogs I'm following 'cause you're all cool too, I promise.)) I think there are more promising adventures to be had on the horizon, and I am certainly looking forward to them.
I also had a conversation later about the wonders of hemp. When I take over the world I will find a way for it to be legalized. There's so much it's good for. Ethanol fuel, clothing, construction materials; and it grows like a friggin' weed, unlike trees, which grow like... trees. Besides, people don't really need and excuse to be lazy and hungry all the time as it is, so I see no harm. There was some other political banter that I have completely forgotten, and I apologize for that. I don't relate to "reality" and "important issues" as much as someone who corporeally belongs to the physical universe should. That's why I will hire people to care for me. I'm usually good at listening and either agreeing or disagreeing with what people say, but I can never for the life of me remember what we were talking about or why I agreed/disagreed in the first place. I'd make a great politician.
I also went to pretty much the best toy store ever. I want to work at Kazoodles. Since they're full up at the moment I may have to check back in after the summer when college kids go back to school. I'm so enthusiastic about their products though that I would be perfect. I love that they're trusting enough that they will allow me to ride around on one of their little wiggly scooter things... whatever they're called. They're wiggle powered! Granted, it takes more effort to power that than walking at half-speed, but that's probably because they didn't have the special attachment that allows my knees to not be in my ears. Steering will take experience.
I have also discovered that the first Friday of every month, starting this very day, is the First Friday Art Walk. Walking and art are two of my favorite things, and they have found a way to combine the two using some secret alchemical bonding process. It was also here that I used my influence as an overlord to assist in aiding a talented young singer in getting over her stage fright. I probably wasn't necessary. She had all the support in the world from her accompaniment. It was definitely something to see. Other unique attractions included witnessing my very first duprass (I may have seen several in my life time, but only now do I know the word for it. Knowing something exists makes it much easier to recognize.) and what may or may not have been a doppelganger. I have heard reports of someone toting my impressive visage, but I have been fortunate enough to have never laid eyes on my shadow-self. I've also never mistaken someone for someone else either. Then again, I'm usually too embarrassed to ask. Ha! I am embarrassed no more! Lord Veltha has complete confidence in himself (unless I'm around people who are taller, smarter, or prettier than I. Certain smartness and prettiness I can handle, but some is too much to bare. Tall people are pretty much universally uncomfortable to be around since I'm not used to having to look up at people... or even be eye level. Teachers and authority figures are an exception.)
So... that's it. It was actually a much longer and more exciting day than it sounds.
Accomplishments
I need a sandwich. I haven't eaten anything today save for a granola bar and some antacids.
Post Script: I have a hold on "How To Win Friends and Influence People" at the library, and it just came in. I should have picked it up and walked around reading it. What was I thinking?
First and foremost, we got out of the house and had a great conversation about things we are most passionate about... which amounts to mostly nonsense from an outside observer's perspective. I enjoy conversations with people who understand the great things about the fictional world. I like sticking to what makes sense to me. I'm uncomfortable when I feel stupid, and as an overlord it is imperative that I maintain an air of superiority. I am, as the hip kids say, "All that and a bag of chips." (When is the last time you've ever heard anyone say that? Where does crap like that come from, and more importantly where does it go? I'm sure there's a huge refuse repository devoted to defunct slang and expressions. It's probably on the internet where the rest of the trash goes (present blog excluded... and all the blogs I'm following 'cause you're all cool too, I promise.)) I think there are more promising adventures to be had on the horizon, and I am certainly looking forward to them.
I also had a conversation later about the wonders of hemp. When I take over the world I will find a way for it to be legalized. There's so much it's good for. Ethanol fuel, clothing, construction materials; and it grows like a friggin' weed, unlike trees, which grow like... trees. Besides, people don't really need and excuse to be lazy and hungry all the time as it is, so I see no harm. There was some other political banter that I have completely forgotten, and I apologize for that. I don't relate to "reality" and "important issues" as much as someone who corporeally belongs to the physical universe should. That's why I will hire people to care for me. I'm usually good at listening and either agreeing or disagreeing with what people say, but I can never for the life of me remember what we were talking about or why I agreed/disagreed in the first place. I'd make a great politician.
I also went to pretty much the best toy store ever. I want to work at Kazoodles. Since they're full up at the moment I may have to check back in after the summer when college kids go back to school. I'm so enthusiastic about their products though that I would be perfect. I love that they're trusting enough that they will allow me to ride around on one of their little wiggly scooter things... whatever they're called. They're wiggle powered! Granted, it takes more effort to power that than walking at half-speed, but that's probably because they didn't have the special attachment that allows my knees to not be in my ears. Steering will take experience.
I have also discovered that the first Friday of every month, starting this very day, is the First Friday Art Walk. Walking and art are two of my favorite things, and they have found a way to combine the two using some secret alchemical bonding process. It was also here that I used my influence as an overlord to assist in aiding a talented young singer in getting over her stage fright. I probably wasn't necessary. She had all the support in the world from her accompaniment. It was definitely something to see. Other unique attractions included witnessing my very first duprass (I may have seen several in my life time, but only now do I know the word for it. Knowing something exists makes it much easier to recognize.) and what may or may not have been a doppelganger. I have heard reports of someone toting my impressive visage, but I have been fortunate enough to have never laid eyes on my shadow-self. I've also never mistaken someone for someone else either. Then again, I'm usually too embarrassed to ask. Ha! I am embarrassed no more! Lord Veltha has complete confidence in himself (unless I'm around people who are taller, smarter, or prettier than I. Certain smartness and prettiness I can handle, but some is too much to bare. Tall people are pretty much universally uncomfortable to be around since I'm not used to having to look up at people... or even be eye level. Teachers and authority figures are an exception.)
So... that's it. It was actually a much longer and more exciting day than it sounds.
Accomplishments
- Successfully completed arranged conversation.
- Successfully completed impromptu conversation
- Rode around on awesome stuff at a toy store
- Attended super keen art walk thing
- Purchased Mother's Day gift (which I mustn't forget about.)
- Encouraged awesome musicians
- Made a stupid list of things I think I maybe accomplished in a vain attempt to make life sound more impressive
I need a sandwich. I haven't eaten anything today save for a granola bar and some antacids.
Post Script: I have a hold on "How To Win Friends and Influence People" at the library, and it just came in. I should have picked it up and walked around reading it. What was I thinking?
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