In my quest for hope, belonging, and independence, I was introduced to a facility that literally has these things written on their sign. It couldn't get any more obvious that that's exactly where I need to be.
The Val Ogden Center is a referral only facility for the mentally handicapped run by the recently empowered and mentally handi-capable. Naturally I assumed it would be like Arkham Asylum with the lunatics having taken over, and in this way I was slightly disappointed. However, this Clubhouse provides a very important service to the community that can not be ignored.
Think of the Clubhouse as a social water refinement center. It takes water that, while sullied with all manner of fecal matter and emotional baggage, has the potential to benefit society by providing them with a clean natural resource. The Clubhouse is run by its members, which means all duties pertaining to the maintenance of the Clubhouse is up to them. Essential duties are delegated to volunteers after the morning meeting at 9:00am, and the day is over at 4:30pm. The work is divided into clerical (typing, filing, manning the reception turret), culinary (cooking lunch and washing dishes), and working at the thrift store (imagine if there was a Goodwill in your house, but no one knew it existed and no one shopped there.) The work here provides purpose and guidance to those who would normally be without, and people to playfully distract you while you are trying to accomplish menial tasks. On top of that, the staff is there to assist with career and education goals outside of the Clubhouse as well. Various workshops and meetings are scheduled throughout the week in order to help members achieve their dreams, whatever they may be.
My luxurious sanctum of evil can at times feel like a prison. I live in seclusion from my peers and am frequently left to meditate on important matters of consequence as my only recreation. I have a difficult time reaching out to those lesser beings who populate the world. Simply being in a work environment again has done wonders for me. I have focus, determinations, and a staff of faithful servants willing to facilitate my every need (including freshly baked cookies. I can already sense your jealousy prior to publishing this blog post. It transcends time and space.)
Currently I am attempting to establish a means to attend theatre classes at the local community college so that I may accentuate my already tremendous acting talent with technique training and actual skill. This will also allow me to forge connections in the acting community, stronger bonds with the people I care about as I will be generally closer in proximity to them, and in time I may at last achieve my goals of GLOBAL DOMINATION! (Gwahaha. Mine is an evil laugh.)
Pathos and good will,
Lord Veltha
Showing posts with label jobs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jobs. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Lord Veltha Versus Happiness
It has come to my attention that in principal such things as wealth, power, and fame are not goals people strive for, but the means to their goal. That goal of course is happiness.
Happiness is by definition, "a state of well-being and contentment." The dictionary as always is particularly vague when it comes to subjects of importance such as this, and it is best that people are left to define their own happiness. (The dictionary does however contain the long sought after meaning of "life." Why it has never occurred to people to look it up in the dictionary is beyond me.)
I do not feel as though my problem lies in un-happiness. I am by nature a happy person, but I am away from my natural habitat where I can be myself to the best of my ability. I am away from my natural habitat due to avoidant behavior. I avoid things due to the fear that somehow I will make things worse than they are. It is much safer for me to hide within the confines of my impregnable fortress.
Psychologically, even chronically miserable people have in some depraved way found happiness. Try to snap them out of it and watch how their mood goes from bad to worse. Humans are comforted by that which is familiar to them. Take away that comfort and latent survival instincts kick in. Fending for emotional survival isn't often considered a state of well-being. (This link is not even the least bit relevant.)
If happiness is the goal, then I fear I am going about it all wrong. No amount of therapy can MAKE me happy. Discussing pertinent issues such as relationships and economic ways to destroy the world is helpful without a doubt, but the whole point is to allow me to integrate myself into the world and become a productive member of society. That is the key. I'm learning how to cope with reality, not how to participate in it. I am about as well adjusted as I'm going to get, frightening though it may sound. Therapy will not bring me happiness, and I'm afraid more therapy will only not bring me happiness to a greater extent. It's time I learned how to do things on my own. Only then will I be fit to rule this world with an iron fist.
As such, there are only two things that will bring me happiness.
1) A positive social life
2) Purpose
Group gatherings occur when I am invited to or send invitations to planned events, yet my not-the-least-bit-creepy-or-stalkerish research suggests many shared activities are spontaneous. I'm simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Comrades frequently in close proximity to each other are more likely to ensue in mischief.
Plausible Solution: Discover a method for maintaining consistent social contact with friends in person, whether it be to arrange a meeting place or get over my anti-social pansy-assedness and call people once in a while. Phones aren't that scary.
Alternative Solution: Kidnapping. It seems to work for most evil overlords. Besides, when does brain-washing go wrong?
Purpose is a little trickier. I can not simply slap a sticker on an activity or job and call it purpose. The key as always is to FEEL like it's my purpose. As it so happens there are two activities I feel a strong connection to, however I think I have described the pros and cons before. Writing is problematic as I'm inconsistent in my writing habits and abilities, and in order to move forward in my life I would need to complete a project. My voice box however is armed and cocked (...*cough*...), I just don't know where to take it.
Plausible Solution: Ask for help. I have resources I could exploit. I know people who know things about knowing things. I could ask for assistance from people connected to the field, and people may even give it to me without having to resort to mind-control.
Alternative Solution: Mind control
I must take charge of my life to ensure that I have a future. Perhaps I will get started on that tomorrow.
Pathos and goodwill
Sunday, February 7, 2010
They called me "mad." I demand a second opinion.
Once again it has been some time since I last updated my conquest blog. This absence of activity can logically be attributed to a lack of recent accomplishments. One of my most valuable servants has recently sustained heavy injury at the hands of zombified bears, and I have been forced to focus my attention on the lair’s upkeep and insuring that my vassal recovers in a timely fashion so as not to further inconvenience me. (Yes, you may say it. I am a truly benevolent overlord.)
The undead ursine outbreak couldn’t have happened at a worse time as I have recently been, shall I say, “volunteering” at a local mental health clinic. I was mislead to believe that the facility would provide me with a fresh diagnosis for my particular genius. They were however unqualified to issue a professional diagnosis, but the word “psychotic” had escaped the lips of one of the employees (and was quickly followed by, “My god! No! Please stop! Please! I take it back! Please! No! NO! I beg you! AHHHHH!” which may or may not have been a psychological term describing Thanatophobia.)
While they were unhelpful in regards to defining for me what it is that makes me so great (I will settle for “rugged good-looks” if I can’t find a second opinion) they were able to provide me with some small matters of insight pertaining to the few barriers I still face on my way to global domination.
While I am in no way denying that my intellect stretches far beyond the veil of cognitive conscious… -itude… there was a time, believe it or not, when I was in many ways smarter than I am today (by a standardized academic definition at any rate.) My ability to learn and retain information has dwindled over the years. Memory, concentration, memory; have all suffered at the hands of some unquantifiable foe. I now believe I understand the culprit behind my not-smart-no-more-ness.
BRAIN POISONING!
Yes, my faithful followers. My brain has been poisoned… by MYSELF!
This isn’t any old metaphorical “brain poisoning” as suggested by advocates against video games, comic books, and Chevy Chase. Oh no, this poisoning is real.
As it turns out, hyperventilating in the case of extreme stress and anxiety causes a deregulation in oxygen or something something whatever. Carbon dioxide gets stored up in the brain along with the FDA approved oxygen it requires, and brain cells begin to suffocate and die horrible agonizing deaths. Brain cells that are lost are unable to grow back. While it isn’t exactly comforting to know that every time I become emotionally distraught my brain withers like an old piece of fruit, it is added incentive to bottle up my surplus of negative emotions (this way instead of a slow painful death while I watch everything I hold dear slip away from me and become obscured by dementia, I will continue along my present path unabated until the day I spontaneously combust in one big glorious ball of inner turmoil that could level a small country given twenty years of suppression. I am my own doomsday device.)
It seems like there was something else I learned, but I don’t remember it. Something about people and how I don’t have anyone other than my therapist to really confide in, which is unfortunate as it’s nearly impossible to reach her in a time of emotional crisis. They were probably just trying to get me to trust them so they could discover my weakness and exploit it. People can't be trusted. I’m much better off learning how to deal with my feelings without assistance. I’ve been doing a great job so far. (*cough*)
I am trying to re-formulate my strategy for success. Impatience has been known to foil 99.99% of evil overlords, but I need an empire and I need it yesterday! (Yes, I’m getting desperate enough that time-travel is being taken into consideration, and I HATE time-travel.) My literary works aren’t going to be completed within a reasonable period of time, and there are too many downsides to sitting around locked in my chamber alone to risk focusing my efforts on them. Voice acting seems to be the most viable use of my talents. Unfortunately I know nothing of “the business.” There is one thing I’ve been noticing by following the exploits of my heroes (most recently M. Bison of Shadowloo): they all have a complex network of connections, but it’s never established how they were… established. I am at a severe disadvantage as I am unable to sustain my polite, energetic, intelligent behavior. There are any number of circumstances that cause me to cease functioning in an ideal manner. If I am able to be myself in the presence of someone who could potentially influence my chosen profession then I can almost guarantee that they will at the least like me enough to thrown in a good word to a guy who knows a guy. Many people do not get the opportunity to be graced by my true glorious self however, and instead see a quiet simpering fool struggling to hold back his screams of fear and hopelessness. This is what must be remedied, but the best remedy is a purposeful life of accomplishment. I fear I cannot achieve my goals until I have become the master of my mind and body, and in order to do that I must my goals. The endless cycle known as “Catch-22” rolls on as I am left behind wondering, as the kids say (out loud), “WTF?”
Some day my dreams will come true. In the meantime I have a cat box to clean.
Pathos and goodwill,
Lord Veltha
PS: Press a links for the great prize!
The undead ursine outbreak couldn’t have happened at a worse time as I have recently been, shall I say, “volunteering” at a local mental health clinic. I was mislead to believe that the facility would provide me with a fresh diagnosis for my particular genius. They were however unqualified to issue a professional diagnosis, but the word “psychotic” had escaped the lips of one of the employees (and was quickly followed by, “My god! No! Please stop! Please! I take it back! Please! No! NO! I beg you! AHHHHH!” which may or may not have been a psychological term describing Thanatophobia.)
While they were unhelpful in regards to defining for me what it is that makes me so great (I will settle for “rugged good-looks” if I can’t find a second opinion) they were able to provide me with some small matters of insight pertaining to the few barriers I still face on my way to global domination.
While I am in no way denying that my intellect stretches far beyond the veil of cognitive conscious… -itude… there was a time, believe it or not, when I was in many ways smarter than I am today (by a standardized academic definition at any rate.) My ability to learn and retain information has dwindled over the years. Memory, concentration, memory; have all suffered at the hands of some unquantifiable foe. I now believe I understand the culprit behind my not-smart-no-more-ness.
BRAIN POISONING!
Yes, my faithful followers. My brain has been poisoned… by MYSELF!
This isn’t any old metaphorical “brain poisoning” as suggested by advocates against video games, comic books, and Chevy Chase. Oh no, this poisoning is real.
As it turns out, hyperventilating in the case of extreme stress and anxiety causes a deregulation in oxygen or something something whatever. Carbon dioxide gets stored up in the brain along with the FDA approved oxygen it requires, and brain cells begin to suffocate and die horrible agonizing deaths. Brain cells that are lost are unable to grow back. While it isn’t exactly comforting to know that every time I become emotionally distraught my brain withers like an old piece of fruit, it is added incentive to bottle up my surplus of negative emotions (this way instead of a slow painful death while I watch everything I hold dear slip away from me and become obscured by dementia, I will continue along my present path unabated until the day I spontaneously combust in one big glorious ball of inner turmoil that could level a small country given twenty years of suppression. I am my own doomsday device.)
It seems like there was something else I learned, but I don’t remember it. Something about people and how I don’t have anyone other than my therapist to really confide in, which is unfortunate as it’s nearly impossible to reach her in a time of emotional crisis. They were probably just trying to get me to trust them so they could discover my weakness and exploit it. People can't be trusted. I’m much better off learning how to deal with my feelings without assistance. I’ve been doing a great job so far. (*cough*)
I am trying to re-formulate my strategy for success. Impatience has been known to foil 99.99% of evil overlords, but I need an empire and I need it yesterday! (Yes, I’m getting desperate enough that time-travel is being taken into consideration, and I HATE time-travel.) My literary works aren’t going to be completed within a reasonable period of time, and there are too many downsides to sitting around locked in my chamber alone to risk focusing my efforts on them. Voice acting seems to be the most viable use of my talents. Unfortunately I know nothing of “the business.” There is one thing I’ve been noticing by following the exploits of my heroes (most recently M. Bison of Shadowloo): they all have a complex network of connections, but it’s never established how they were… established. I am at a severe disadvantage as I am unable to sustain my polite, energetic, intelligent behavior. There are any number of circumstances that cause me to cease functioning in an ideal manner. If I am able to be myself in the presence of someone who could potentially influence my chosen profession then I can almost guarantee that they will at the least like me enough to thrown in a good word to a guy who knows a guy. Many people do not get the opportunity to be graced by my true glorious self however, and instead see a quiet simpering fool struggling to hold back his screams of fear and hopelessness. This is what must be remedied, but the best remedy is a purposeful life of accomplishment. I fear I cannot achieve my goals until I have become the master of my mind and body, and in order to do that I must my goals. The endless cycle known as “Catch-22” rolls on as I am left behind wondering, as the kids say (out loud), “WTF?”
Some day my dreams will come true. In the meantime I have a cat box to clean.
Pathos and goodwill,
Lord Veltha
PS: Press a links for the great prize!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Lord Veltha is a typhoon of WIN
It's official. I am a tropical cyclone of amateur voice acting success. It's been almost a month since my last post, and in that time I have landed a slew of roles that will surely not become overwhelming in the least.
...
*cough*
Upon being cast in Naruto The Abridged Series Movie (and hookers!) my ego was inflated to beyond healthy proportions and I decided to investigate further roles. The fellow who kindly pointed me in the direction of the "Old Guy" audition mentioned that he was casting for Wild ARMS Abridged.
For those who don't know (namely my parents) an "Abridged Series" is a fan made series of videos often posted on YouTube where anime fans condense thirty minute episodes into eight or ten minutes, often lampshading confusing plot points, making fun of annoying characters, or completely changing a character's personality (or ethnicity, eh?) Often the resulting show becomes almost completely unrecognizable. There are many many bad ones, and even the more popular ones will make you want to lick a cheese grater to get your mind off of the pain, but they are altogether a somewhat humorous display of fandom.
For more information, consult the media entertainment equivalent of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: TV Tropes
After auditioning and receiving praise (and yea, even lending some requested script assistance) I got the role. I didn't know how many of the roles I got until now, but I'll get to that.
It was also from this source I learned of Voice Acting Alliance, which is a resource for amateur voice actors, directors, producers, etc who have all come together with a common goal: be awesome. It was here I decided to bite off more than I can chew, and why I continue to resemble a cow chewing cud.
For the record (and because my own memory is so terrible that I really need to write this crap down somewhere) here is the current list of projects I'm engaged in.
Wild ARMS Abridged (Abridged series based on Wild ARMS: Twilight Venom)
-Sheyanne Rainstorm (High normal voice. I didn't even audition for it! No kidding! I hate my voice...)
-Dr. Kiel Arronax (AKA "Doctor Captain Pirate Mullet". Brock Samson)
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Black Nerv Project (Not sure what the final name is, but it's a parody of Evangelion. From the looks of the script, I don't think they actually shortened it, so I don't think it's "Abridged." Amazing script though.)
-Fuyutsuki (The Old Guy strikes again! Get off my lawn!)
-Male Announcers 1, 2, and 3, helicopter pilots, crew mamber (I haven't gotten a critique yet on my auditions, so I'm not sure what I'm doing here. For these I mostly used variations on my annoying normal voice, and Stu Brawny Johnson. (Think Coach Z from homestarrunner.com))
-Sachiel The Angel (They said "Go nuts!" I went nuts, throwing in every voice I can do. I don't know what one they chose, and may not know until the show is finished because they only needed that one line.)
By the way, they're still looking for actresses.
Mega Man X: Vile (A fan-made RPG based on the Mega Man X series.)
I auditioned for four roles, and didn't get any of them because my voices didn't fit the characters. Luckily, I still got parts.
-Metal Shark Player (Auditioned for Dr. Wily. High-pitched pirate. Yeah, I'm awesome.)
- Mattrex (KROGNOLON! I have to make him sound sly and not stupid though. We'll see how that goes.)
I also get to re-audition for the role of Dynamo after having heard more information, and a clip from another audition. (I think I gotta go somewhere between Brock Samson and my normal voice. Have I mentioned I hate my normal voice? Just recordings though. I can and do talk to myself incessantly.)
That's not a whole lot, right? Sure my social life is suffering, but that's because I've been reclusive and depressed! Now I'll be isolated from the people I care about because of my heavy workload, the way it's SUPPOSED to be. Just in time for the holidays. (That's okay, people can pick up their Snowflake Day presents next month.)
I have a lot of links scattered around in this post. I don't know if they'll transfer over to Facebook or not. If not, then tough luck.
(Quick Rant: I downloaded a Dragonball Raging Blast demo last night. Now, why the HELL would they put out a demo of a FIGHTING GAME and not make it TWO PLAYER? It's RIDICULOUS!)
Pathos and good will,
Lord V.
...
*cough*
Upon being cast in Naruto The Abridged Series Movie (and hookers!) my ego was inflated to beyond healthy proportions and I decided to investigate further roles. The fellow who kindly pointed me in the direction of the "Old Guy" audition mentioned that he was casting for Wild ARMS Abridged.
For those who don't know (namely my parents) an "Abridged Series" is a fan made series of videos often posted on YouTube where anime fans condense thirty minute episodes into eight or ten minutes, often lampshading confusing plot points, making fun of annoying characters, or completely changing a character's personality (or ethnicity, eh?) Often the resulting show becomes almost completely unrecognizable. There are many many bad ones, and even the more popular ones will make you want to lick a cheese grater to get your mind off of the pain, but they are altogether a somewhat humorous display of fandom.
For more information, consult the media entertainment equivalent of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: TV Tropes
After auditioning and receiving praise (and yea, even lending some requested script assistance) I got the role. I didn't know how many of the roles I got until now, but I'll get to that.
It was also from this source I learned of Voice Acting Alliance, which is a resource for amateur voice actors, directors, producers, etc who have all come together with a common goal: be awesome. It was here I decided to bite off more than I can chew, and why I continue to resemble a cow chewing cud.
For the record (and because my own memory is so terrible that I really need to write this crap down somewhere) here is the current list of projects I'm engaged in.
Wild ARMS Abridged (Abridged series based on Wild ARMS: Twilight Venom)
-Sheyanne Rainstorm (High normal voice. I didn't even audition for it! No kidding! I hate my voice...)
-Dr. Kiel Arronax (AKA "Doctor Captain Pirate Mullet". Brock Samson)
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Black Nerv Project (Not sure what the final name is, but it's a parody of Evangelion. From the looks of the script, I don't think they actually shortened it, so I don't think it's "Abridged." Amazing script though.)
-Fuyutsuki (The Old Guy strikes again! Get off my lawn!)
-Male Announcers 1, 2, and 3, helicopter pilots, crew mamber (I haven't gotten a critique yet on my auditions, so I'm not sure what I'm doing here. For these I mostly used variations on my annoying normal voice, and Stu Brawny Johnson. (Think Coach Z from homestarrunner.com))
-Sachiel The Angel (They said "Go nuts!" I went nuts, throwing in every voice I can do. I don't know what one they chose, and may not know until the show is finished because they only needed that one line.)
By the way, they're still looking for actresses.
Mega Man X: Vile (A fan-made RPG based on the Mega Man X series.)
I auditioned for four roles, and didn't get any of them because my voices didn't fit the characters. Luckily, I still got parts.
-Metal Shark Player (Auditioned for Dr. Wily. High-pitched pirate. Yeah, I'm awesome.)
- Mattrex (KROGNOLON! I have to make him sound sly and not stupid though. We'll see how that goes.)
I also get to re-audition for the role of Dynamo after having heard more information, and a clip from another audition. (I think I gotta go somewhere between Brock Samson and my normal voice. Have I mentioned I hate my normal voice? Just recordings though. I can and do talk to myself incessantly.)
That's not a whole lot, right? Sure my social life is suffering, but that's because I've been reclusive and depressed! Now I'll be isolated from the people I care about because of my heavy workload, the way it's SUPPOSED to be. Just in time for the holidays. (That's okay, people can pick up their Snowflake Day presents next month.)
I have a lot of links scattered around in this post. I don't know if they'll transfer over to Facebook or not. If not, then tough luck.
(Quick Rant: I downloaded a Dragonball Raging Blast demo last night. Now, why the HELL would they put out a demo of a FIGHTING GAME and not make it TWO PLAYER? It's RIDICULOUS!)
Pathos and good will,
Lord V.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Operation: ASTONISHMENT!
I apologize for the extensive duration of time between my previous post and this one that I am now 36 vowels into (I think... each time I count the number changes. However, as I am infallible, every number I count to is the correct number of vowels that I count. How's that for logic?)
I am in the midst of a delicate operation. If THIS plan succeeds I will be one step closer to being one step closer to commencing my diabolical MASTER plan of global domination. But, before I go any further, I'll go ahead and start with the stuff people may care about (then I will ramble to my heart's content.)
Alright, so... after I learn how to properly operate my shiny new (and free) audio editing software, I will need to assemble some actors. I can record directly to my laptop, so I'll be able to record people at their convenience, and not have to arrange it so everyone has to gather together in one spot at a certain time. I've got a big long list of characters, so here are a few.
The Astonishing Dude: Stalwart defender of justice and title character.
Announcers: Need deep voiced radio announcer for episode intros and such, as well as intense energy-drink spokesperson, infomercial guy, and sweet lady varieties for commercial breaks.
Dr. Hands: Malevolent mustache-twirler and master of hand-to-hand combat. Forced to turn to crime due to the economic recession, and the need to purchase specialized ambidextrous tools.
Wrench Wench: The Astonishing Dude's sultry mechanic and on-again-off again romantic sub-plot (Although I have yet to see it set to "on".) Cursed by a gypsy to speak in innuendo (Which is surprisingly hard for me to write.)
Krognolon: Champion gladiator of Strugglesphere Four. Big brutish alien guy.
Nuboss: Alien pilot from Strugglesphere with the disposition of a frustrated shift manager at Kinkos.
Frigidaire-Devil: Obligatory ice-themed villain.
John Long the Thermal-Man: Equally obligatory fire-themed villain.
Swing Swordsman: 1920-30's inspired fencer. (The bee's knees, baby. Berries.)
The Shroud: Irritatingly mysterious villain. Melodramatic, and nobody really knows what he does, but it's probably evil... or is it?
Mother: Generic loving mother figure for commercials. The more Joan Cleavery the better.
Timmy: Equally generic little boy-type thing.
Little Girls: Blah blah blah...
TB Tabby Doll: Talking doll with tuberculosis. (Made in Taiwan!)
Jingle Singers: People who sing jingles. So far the only jingle I've written is for Dunky Cream Donuts... and I can't get it out of my head...
Incidentals and Background Characters: People just hangin' out and doin' stuff, whether it be exchanging ring tones, cheering wildly at off-world sporting events, or being violently evicerated. Not to mention the obligatory, "Look! Up in the sky!" dialog that should be expected of something like this.
I have, over the course of the first three episodes, at least 32 roles that need to be filled. The first episode alone has 13 characters. Actors will probably have to fill multiple roles, which shouldn't be too hard. Most of the characters are just incidental/background people that have maybe one line of screaming while their arms are getting ripped off. All in all, it sounds like there's more to this than there really is, but it also means I'll need a wide array of talent. Everything from dramatic announcers, to mothers and children, to semi-sinister villains, to demonic alien gladiators. I've even got a brief scene with zombie cows. ZOMBIE COWS!
Initially, phase 1 of this dastardly scheme consisted of writing as many radio scripts as I could manage so that once we begin broadcasting and I have less time to actually prepare nigh-intelligible dialog, there will be one less thing to rush through production. Perhaps I am falling into the old villainous cliche of impatiently reducing the preparation time and jumping right into the cool stuff with explosions and princess-napping, but I feel that the time has come to begin recording the show. I have two scripts completed, and a third underway. If I am to succeed any further I must learn how to utilize my audio editing facilities. Not only that, but recording my actors will bolster their enthusiasm for this project, and global domination is all about making the people happy (I wouldn't want anyone attempting to overthrow me.)
If I do begin recording, it does not need to be broadcast right away. I'm not entirely certain what my time-line is like, but there's no sense in getting started until I'm certain the operation is safe to commence. I'd still like to get a couple more scripts written up before weekly due dates come into play. It's better to learn and make mistakes before you activate the doomsday weapon, otherwise the hero is certain to find his way into your castle and screw with your important shit. The hero in this case, as is the case for most of my schemes, is Murphy. Murphy's Law is the one law I am most eager to break in order to achieve my goals.
If all goes according to plan, and Murphy does not interfere, I should be ready to start recording by the end of next week (Note the emphasis on the should.) My last post was full of defeat and negativity. That shall not happen again. From now on it's only positive upbeat awe-inspiring awesomeness worthy of the infamous Lord Veltha! In fact, I am so confidant that this plan will suceed I think we need to make promotional posters! (All in due time...)
In other, less important Velthan news, I will be heading to the Vancouver Share House office tomorrow to assist with bulk mailing. I have also registered for Kumoricon 2009... and we'll see how that goes.
Pathos and good will.
I am in the midst of a delicate operation. If THIS plan succeeds I will be one step closer to being one step closer to commencing my diabolical MASTER plan of global domination. But, before I go any further, I'll go ahead and start with the stuff people may care about (then I will ramble to my heart's content.)
Alright, so... after I learn how to properly operate my shiny new (and free) audio editing software, I will need to assemble some actors. I can record directly to my laptop, so I'll be able to record people at their convenience, and not have to arrange it so everyone has to gather together in one spot at a certain time. I've got a big long list of characters, so here are a few.
The Astonishing Dude: Stalwart defender of justice and title character.
Announcers: Need deep voiced radio announcer for episode intros and such, as well as intense energy-drink spokesperson, infomercial guy, and sweet lady varieties for commercial breaks.
Dr. Hands: Malevolent mustache-twirler and master of hand-to-hand combat. Forced to turn to crime due to the economic recession, and the need to purchase specialized ambidextrous tools.
Wrench Wench: The Astonishing Dude's sultry mechanic and on-again-off again romantic sub-plot (Although I have yet to see it set to "on".) Cursed by a gypsy to speak in innuendo (Which is surprisingly hard for me to write.)
Krognolon: Champion gladiator of Strugglesphere Four. Big brutish alien guy.
Nuboss: Alien pilot from Strugglesphere with the disposition of a frustrated shift manager at Kinkos.
Frigidaire-Devil: Obligatory ice-themed villain.
John Long the Thermal-Man: Equally obligatory fire-themed villain.
Swing Swordsman: 1920-30's inspired fencer. (The bee's knees, baby. Berries.)
The Shroud: Irritatingly mysterious villain. Melodramatic, and nobody really knows what he does, but it's probably evil... or is it?
Mother: Generic loving mother figure for commercials. The more Joan Cleavery the better.
Timmy: Equally generic little boy-type thing.
Little Girls: Blah blah blah...
TB Tabby Doll: Talking doll with tuberculosis. (Made in Taiwan!)
Jingle Singers: People who sing jingles. So far the only jingle I've written is for Dunky Cream Donuts... and I can't get it out of my head...
Incidentals and Background Characters: People just hangin' out and doin' stuff, whether it be exchanging ring tones, cheering wildly at off-world sporting events, or being violently evicerated. Not to mention the obligatory, "Look! Up in the sky!" dialog that should be expected of something like this.
I have, over the course of the first three episodes, at least 32 roles that need to be filled. The first episode alone has 13 characters. Actors will probably have to fill multiple roles, which shouldn't be too hard. Most of the characters are just incidental/background people that have maybe one line of screaming while their arms are getting ripped off. All in all, it sounds like there's more to this than there really is, but it also means I'll need a wide array of talent. Everything from dramatic announcers, to mothers and children, to semi-sinister villains, to demonic alien gladiators. I've even got a brief scene with zombie cows. ZOMBIE COWS!
Initially, phase 1 of this dastardly scheme consisted of writing as many radio scripts as I could manage so that once we begin broadcasting and I have less time to actually prepare nigh-intelligible dialog, there will be one less thing to rush through production. Perhaps I am falling into the old villainous cliche of impatiently reducing the preparation time and jumping right into the cool stuff with explosions and princess-napping, but I feel that the time has come to begin recording the show. I have two scripts completed, and a third underway. If I am to succeed any further I must learn how to utilize my audio editing facilities. Not only that, but recording my actors will bolster their enthusiasm for this project, and global domination is all about making the people happy (I wouldn't want anyone attempting to overthrow me.)
If I do begin recording, it does not need to be broadcast right away. I'm not entirely certain what my time-line is like, but there's no sense in getting started until I'm certain the operation is safe to commence. I'd still like to get a couple more scripts written up before weekly due dates come into play. It's better to learn and make mistakes before you activate the doomsday weapon, otherwise the hero is certain to find his way into your castle and screw with your important shit. The hero in this case, as is the case for most of my schemes, is Murphy. Murphy's Law is the one law I am most eager to break in order to achieve my goals.
If all goes according to plan, and Murphy does not interfere, I should be ready to start recording by the end of next week (Note the emphasis on the should.) My last post was full of defeat and negativity. That shall not happen again. From now on it's only positive upbeat awe-inspiring awesomeness worthy of the infamous Lord Veltha! In fact, I am so confidant that this plan will suceed I think we need to make promotional posters! (All in due time...)
In other, less important Velthan news, I will be heading to the Vancouver Share House office tomorrow to assist with bulk mailing. I have also registered for Kumoricon 2009... and we'll see how that goes.
Pathos and good will.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Lord Veltha VS Online Job Application
Most evil overlords are blessed with nearly limitless amounts of funding for their diabolical schemes. Some seem to be able to construct enormous space stations out of thin air every six or seven months (I'm looking at you, Dr. Eggman. By the way: Worst overlord name EVER. Should have stuck with Robotnik.) I on the other hand have not discovered the website where you can apply for evil grants and must fund my empire by getting a... a...
*cough*
A uh... job... I guess...
Not only will finding a job allow me to finance my insidious plot, but it will also fill me with the rage of the common people and fuel my resolve to conquer the world. After all, the overlord is a public servant like any other. Some villains lose sight of that. If I can better understand the plight of the common man, then I can better understand how to make the world a better place. And you all better be grateful! So says Lord Veltha. Plus, having a job comes with the added bonus of garnering respect from people I don't care about. Some people have it in their head that others aren't worth their time unless the have a job, a car, and a place of their own. Only then do they take the time to meet you. Naturally, everyone who meets me thinks I'm the greatest (Please don't confuse optimism with egotism.) I'm more likely to be friends with people who judge me only on merit, but it's harder to get out and meet friends without a job or a car. When I take over the world...
So far I have only made it to the first stage of job acquisition: applications. I've applied to a handful of locations and seek to find more that can possibly accommodate my magnificence. One such location uses the internet in lieu of killing trees (I'm telling you man: hemp! Way of the future.) and so far has the most interesting self-indulgent "Facebook Quiz" like questionnaire.
"Are you now, or have you ever been known by any other name, or have you changed your name (first or last)?"
Every time I come across this question I am always tempted to list Lord Veltha as my alias. (For your information, "Lord Veltha" was not my given name, nor have I legally changed it to such. I feel your disappointment.) For that matter, whenever I am asked for information regarding previous employment I am driven to list the company as "The Velthan Empire" and my position as "Overlord." While I see this as evidence of over qualification for any position I would care to apply for (CEO of a major corporation, video game director/producer, sandwich artist, etc.) there are some (read: all prospective employers) who would not take me seriously. They of course will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. For now I must play their little bureaucratic mind games.
"Are you applying for a job in West Virginia?"
This could just be me. Perhaps it doesn't bother anyone else. It's not that big of a deal, really, and it's probably too much trouble to do this, but I would think that if someone lists their home address and the store location they wish to apply for as being somewhere in the... oh, I don't know... the Pacific North West for example, that this question should not be present on the application. I understand it's difficult to program little details like that and it's easier to just have the computer ask you ridiculous questions, but, you know... anyway...
Oh, I got a kick out of this next one.
"Do you believe it is okay to take small things from your employer without paying for them, such as soda or candy?"
Only if my employer is Bill Gates. He has a swimming pool filled with glazed donuts. He's not going to miss one puny little Mars Bar.
No I do not bloody well think it is okay to steal anything from anyone! Look at that. You made be swear a soddy British cuss. Blimey! To think that anyone would actually answer "yes" to this question fills me with enough rage to curb-stomp kittens. You don't even need a curb to crush kittens, but I'm willing to go outside and take my time because I could use some fresh air as I violently mutilate adorable mammals.
"My Lord, is that a whisker on your boot?"
"Silence, peasant!"
"Yes, My Lord!"
"Can you perform the essential functions of this job or the jobs for which you are applying with or without reasonable accommodations?"
What would constitute as an unreasonable accommodation? So long as I can use a mind control device to manipulate the essences of my co-workers' human nature I'm set to go. Double plus if I can use it on customers. Once I do, then who's to say what is reasonable or otherwise? Sooo... yes. Yes I can.
"Do you like to play video games?"
Does a beleonephobe scream when you push them into a tub of syringes?
"Are you applying for a job in California?"
Does the pope shit in the woods?
"The following are statements about many attitudes and experiences. Read each statement and select the answer that best describes you. Work quickly - choose the answer that comes to mind first."
Alright! This is why I'm here. By here, I mean blogging about these wonderful job applications. Now, I already have a contract written up for anyone who wishes to officially join my evil organization. I wrote it back in high school when I was but a wee menace to society. I don't actually have an application yet, since I judge a person in person rather than on paper, but if I did have an application it would most certainly feature some of these statements. They're multiple choice, and the answers are always "Strongly disagree," "disagree," "agree," "strongly agree."
You would rather not get involved in other people's problems
You say whatever is on your mind (My mouth could never keep up)
You get angry more often than nervous (Catch-22. Angry or nervous? You can't win either way.)
There are some people you really can't stand (And if they're customers I will treat them with respect.)
People do a lot of things that make you angry (Well, not a LOT of things...)
Right now, you care more about having fun than being serious at school or work (Only 'cause I don't have school or work. I'm an artist, and expressing myself is fun.)
It bothers you a long time when someone is unfair to you (I will never forgive that barber for shortchanging me.)
You agree with people more than you argue (How do you answer this without sounding like a pushover or a jerk? I wish they would word it differently, but I guess that's the point of this process.)
When people make mistakes, you correct them
You swear when you argue (No, just when I'm really enthusiastic.)
People who talk all the time are annoying (Depends on what they're talking about and whether or not their voice sounds like dying rabbits attacking a chalkboard.)
There's no use having close friends; they always let you down (<-- Funniest statement on this list. How horrible!)
It bothers you when you have to obey a lot of rules (Oh please... I'm the overlord.)
You have no big worries (Just zombies, but what are the chances of... what's that at my window?)
You love to listen to people talk about themselves (Only if they're awesome.)
Many people cannot be trusted (Only vampires.)
You do some things that upset people (Doesn't everyone? Nobody's perfect. Careful not to sound like a lier answering this.)
You have no big regrets about your past (What if you say yes, and people think "Oh, they must've done something pretty screwed up," when really you just wish you had come to someone's defense when they needed it and your life has hereafter been filled with angst?)
It's fun to go out to events with big crowds
Your stuff is often kind of messy
You'd rather not compete very much
You do not fake being polite (I don't think I could. I just am.)
You don't care if you offend people (Of course I care... but it doesn't seem to stop me from pissing certain people off.)
You are not interested in your friends' problems (Then why would they be your friends? Horrible question.)
You always try not to hurt people's feelings
You are a fairly private person (Nothin' wrong with that.)
When you are annoyed with something, you say so (Nothin' wrong with that either, unless you answered "Strongly Disagree" to the one about hurting people's feelings.)
Your friends and family approve of the things you do (If you're doing things right only your friends will. I seem to have everyone's support. Darn me for being great.)
You have to give up on some things that you start
You avoid arguments as much as possible
People do a lot of annoying things (Like breathe)
It is maddening when the court lets guilty criminals go free (Someone must bring villains to justice. Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot. I shall strike fear into their hearts. I shall become a man clad in spandex!)
You can wait patiently for a long time (Define: patiently... and make it quick.)
You are unsure of what to say when you meet someone (I'm unsure if it's the right thing to say, but I can usually say something.)
You like to take frequent breaks when working on something difficult (Pacing is important.)
You look back and feel bad about things you've done (I should not have stomped on that cat. It's stuck in the tread of my boot and nothing will get it out.)
You ignore people you don't like (The people I don't like are nearly impossible to ignore. That's part of why I don't like them.)
You don't believe a lot of what people say (I'm incredibly gullible.)
You keep calm when under stress
You don't act polite when you don't want to
You ignore people's small mistakes
You keep your feelings to yourself
When your friends need help, they call you first (No, but that may be more to do with them not having my phone number or living in another state.)
You don't care what people think of you (Again, how do you answer this?)
When you go someplace, you are never late (NEVER)
You get mad at yourself when you make mistakes (And fall on my sword in atonement.)
You make more sensible choices than careless ones (I'm trying my best to make more careless choices.)
You are unsure of yourself with new people
You give direct criticism when you need to
You are careful not to offend people
You could describe yourself as 'tidy' (I describe myself using nouns and adverbs, and I make sure to do so in the third person.)
You like to be alone
When someone treats you badly, you ignore it
You chat with people you don't know
Other people's feelings are their own business (If they want it that way. I look at every question as an individual. I forget the employer will compare my answers to other questions. Hopefully if I say "No" they'll be able to tell by the others that I'm not nosy, I just care.)
Slow-moving people make you impatient (On freeways)
You would rather work on a team than by yourself (Emphasis on "team." I thoroughly despise working in "groups." I'm not sure I've ever had a team before. I'd like one.)
It is easy for you to feel what others are feeling
People are often mean to you (You might sound pessimistic if you agree with this, but what if it's the truth? Some people are naturally born punching bags.)
You do not like small talk (It's hard to have deep meaningful conversations at bus stops, and Jehovah's Witnesses are pretty single-minded and don't like discussing Greek Mythology... so...)
You've done your share of troublemaking (Um... evil overlord?)
Any trouble you have is your own fault
You do what you want, no matter what others think (Artist... who's just now getting around to finding a "real" job.)
It is hard to really care about work when the job is boring (I may not "care" per say, but sometimes tedious menial tasks are okay. I'm an animator. Tedious menial tasks are my life.)
You have friends, but don't like them to be too close (Sad day. These questions are so depressing.)
You criticize people when they deserve it
You sometimes thought seriously about quitting high school
You do not like to meet new people
You are not afraid to tell someone off
You don't work too hard because it doesn't pay off anyway (I'm trying to conquer the world. Where's the pay off in ruling over humanity?)
You do things carefully so you don't make mistakes
You could not deal with difficult people all day
You do not like to take orders
People's feelings are sometimes hurt by what you say (People are insulted by Porky Pig's stuttering.)
You are somewhat of a thrill-seeker (I went into a comic book store on free comic book day! What a rush!)
There're about 125 total, and these are a few of my favorites. I really hope they weren't timing my responses as I copied and pasted them here. Some of these questions just made me burst into laughter, especially the ones about how having friends aren't worth it, and such forth. So horrible! I guess it gets right to the point. I would definitely like to use a questionnaire like that for recruiting henchmen. I would also like a Sasuke/Ninja Warrior obstacle course.
All hail Lord Veltha!
(I'm afraid I'm getting far too in character with this blog. I better cool it for the next one.)
*cough*
A uh... job... I guess...
Not only will finding a job allow me to finance my insidious plot, but it will also fill me with the rage of the common people and fuel my resolve to conquer the world. After all, the overlord is a public servant like any other. Some villains lose sight of that. If I can better understand the plight of the common man, then I can better understand how to make the world a better place. And you all better be grateful! So says Lord Veltha. Plus, having a job comes with the added bonus of garnering respect from people I don't care about. Some people have it in their head that others aren't worth their time unless the have a job, a car, and a place of their own. Only then do they take the time to meet you. Naturally, everyone who meets me thinks I'm the greatest (Please don't confuse optimism with egotism.) I'm more likely to be friends with people who judge me only on merit, but it's harder to get out and meet friends without a job or a car. When I take over the world...
So far I have only made it to the first stage of job acquisition: applications. I've applied to a handful of locations and seek to find more that can possibly accommodate my magnificence. One such location uses the internet in lieu of killing trees (I'm telling you man: hemp! Way of the future.) and so far has the most interesting self-indulgent "Facebook Quiz" like questionnaire.
"Are you now, or have you ever been known by any other name, or have you changed your name (first or last)?"
Every time I come across this question I am always tempted to list Lord Veltha as my alias. (For your information, "Lord Veltha" was not my given name, nor have I legally changed it to such. I feel your disappointment.) For that matter, whenever I am asked for information regarding previous employment I am driven to list the company as "The Velthan Empire" and my position as "Overlord." While I see this as evidence of over qualification for any position I would care to apply for (CEO of a major corporation, video game director/producer, sandwich artist, etc.) there are some (read: all prospective employers) who would not take me seriously. They of course will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. For now I must play their little bureaucratic mind games.
"Are you applying for a job in West Virginia?"
This could just be me. Perhaps it doesn't bother anyone else. It's not that big of a deal, really, and it's probably too much trouble to do this, but I would think that if someone lists their home address and the store location they wish to apply for as being somewhere in the... oh, I don't know... the Pacific North West for example, that this question should not be present on the application. I understand it's difficult to program little details like that and it's easier to just have the computer ask you ridiculous questions, but, you know... anyway...
Oh, I got a kick out of this next one.
"Do you believe it is okay to take small things from your employer without paying for them, such as soda or candy?"
Only if my employer is Bill Gates. He has a swimming pool filled with glazed donuts. He's not going to miss one puny little Mars Bar.
No I do not bloody well think it is okay to steal anything from anyone! Look at that. You made be swear a soddy British cuss. Blimey! To think that anyone would actually answer "yes" to this question fills me with enough rage to curb-stomp kittens. You don't even need a curb to crush kittens, but I'm willing to go outside and take my time because I could use some fresh air as I violently mutilate adorable mammals.
"My Lord, is that a whisker on your boot?"
"Silence, peasant!"
"Yes, My Lord!"
"Can you perform the essential functions of this job or the jobs for which you are applying with or without reasonable accommodations?"
What would constitute as an unreasonable accommodation? So long as I can use a mind control device to manipulate the essences of my co-workers' human nature I'm set to go. Double plus if I can use it on customers. Once I do, then who's to say what is reasonable or otherwise? Sooo... yes. Yes I can.
"Do you like to play video games?"
Does a beleonephobe scream when you push them into a tub of syringes?
"Are you applying for a job in California?"
Does the pope shit in the woods?
"The following are statements about many attitudes and experiences. Read each statement and select the answer that best describes you. Work quickly - choose the answer that comes to mind first."
Alright! This is why I'm here. By here, I mean blogging about these wonderful job applications. Now, I already have a contract written up for anyone who wishes to officially join my evil organization. I wrote it back in high school when I was but a wee menace to society. I don't actually have an application yet, since I judge a person in person rather than on paper, but if I did have an application it would most certainly feature some of these statements. They're multiple choice, and the answers are always "Strongly disagree," "disagree," "agree," "strongly agree."
You would rather not get involved in other people's problems
You say whatever is on your mind (My mouth could never keep up)
You get angry more often than nervous (Catch-22. Angry or nervous? You can't win either way.)
There are some people you really can't stand (And if they're customers I will treat them with respect.)
People do a lot of things that make you angry (Well, not a LOT of things...)
Right now, you care more about having fun than being serious at school or work (Only 'cause I don't have school or work. I'm an artist, and expressing myself is fun.)
It bothers you a long time when someone is unfair to you (I will never forgive that barber for shortchanging me.)
You agree with people more than you argue (How do you answer this without sounding like a pushover or a jerk? I wish they would word it differently, but I guess that's the point of this process.)
When people make mistakes, you correct them
You swear when you argue (No, just when I'm really enthusiastic.)
People who talk all the time are annoying (Depends on what they're talking about and whether or not their voice sounds like dying rabbits attacking a chalkboard.)
There's no use having close friends; they always let you down (<-- Funniest statement on this list. How horrible!)
It bothers you when you have to obey a lot of rules (Oh please... I'm the overlord.)
You have no big worries (Just zombies, but what are the chances of... what's that at my window?)
You love to listen to people talk about themselves (Only if they're awesome.)
Many people cannot be trusted (Only vampires.)
You do some things that upset people (Doesn't everyone? Nobody's perfect. Careful not to sound like a lier answering this.)
You have no big regrets about your past (What if you say yes, and people think "Oh, they must've done something pretty screwed up," when really you just wish you had come to someone's defense when they needed it and your life has hereafter been filled with angst?)
It's fun to go out to events with big crowds
Your stuff is often kind of messy
You'd rather not compete very much
You do not fake being polite (I don't think I could. I just am.)
You don't care if you offend people (Of course I care... but it doesn't seem to stop me from pissing certain people off.)
You are not interested in your friends' problems (Then why would they be your friends? Horrible question.)
You always try not to hurt people's feelings
You are a fairly private person (Nothin' wrong with that.)
When you are annoyed with something, you say so (Nothin' wrong with that either, unless you answered "Strongly Disagree" to the one about hurting people's feelings.)
Your friends and family approve of the things you do (If you're doing things right only your friends will. I seem to have everyone's support. Darn me for being great.)
You have to give up on some things that you start
You avoid arguments as much as possible
People do a lot of annoying things (Like breathe)
It is maddening when the court lets guilty criminals go free (Someone must bring villains to justice. Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot. I shall strike fear into their hearts. I shall become a man clad in spandex!)
You can wait patiently for a long time (Define: patiently... and make it quick.)
You are unsure of what to say when you meet someone (I'm unsure if it's the right thing to say, but I can usually say something.)
You like to take frequent breaks when working on something difficult (Pacing is important.)
You look back and feel bad about things you've done (I should not have stomped on that cat. It's stuck in the tread of my boot and nothing will get it out.)
You ignore people you don't like (The people I don't like are nearly impossible to ignore. That's part of why I don't like them.)
You don't believe a lot of what people say (I'm incredibly gullible.)
You keep calm when under stress
You don't act polite when you don't want to
You ignore people's small mistakes
You keep your feelings to yourself
When your friends need help, they call you first (No, but that may be more to do with them not having my phone number or living in another state.)
You don't care what people think of you (Again, how do you answer this?)
When you go someplace, you are never late (NEVER)
You get mad at yourself when you make mistakes (And fall on my sword in atonement.)
You make more sensible choices than careless ones (I'm trying my best to make more careless choices.)
You are unsure of yourself with new people
You give direct criticism when you need to
You are careful not to offend people
You could describe yourself as 'tidy' (I describe myself using nouns and adverbs, and I make sure to do so in the third person.)
You like to be alone
When someone treats you badly, you ignore it
You chat with people you don't know
Other people's feelings are their own business (If they want it that way. I look at every question as an individual. I forget the employer will compare my answers to other questions. Hopefully if I say "No" they'll be able to tell by the others that I'm not nosy, I just care.)
Slow-moving people make you impatient (On freeways)
You would rather work on a team than by yourself (Emphasis on "team." I thoroughly despise working in "groups." I'm not sure I've ever had a team before. I'd like one.)
It is easy for you to feel what others are feeling
People are often mean to you (You might sound pessimistic if you agree with this, but what if it's the truth? Some people are naturally born punching bags.)
You do not like small talk (It's hard to have deep meaningful conversations at bus stops, and Jehovah's Witnesses are pretty single-minded and don't like discussing Greek Mythology... so...)
You've done your share of troublemaking (Um... evil overlord?)
Any trouble you have is your own fault
You do what you want, no matter what others think (Artist... who's just now getting around to finding a "real" job.)
It is hard to really care about work when the job is boring (I may not "care" per say, but sometimes tedious menial tasks are okay. I'm an animator. Tedious menial tasks are my life.)
You have friends, but don't like them to be too close (Sad day. These questions are so depressing.)
You criticize people when they deserve it
You sometimes thought seriously about quitting high school
You do not like to meet new people
You are not afraid to tell someone off
You don't work too hard because it doesn't pay off anyway (I'm trying to conquer the world. Where's the pay off in ruling over humanity?)
You do things carefully so you don't make mistakes
You could not deal with difficult people all day
You do not like to take orders
People's feelings are sometimes hurt by what you say (People are insulted by Porky Pig's stuttering.)
You are somewhat of a thrill-seeker (I went into a comic book store on free comic book day! What a rush!)
There're about 125 total, and these are a few of my favorites. I really hope they weren't timing my responses as I copied and pasted them here. Some of these questions just made me burst into laughter, especially the ones about how having friends aren't worth it, and such forth. So horrible! I guess it gets right to the point. I would definitely like to use a questionnaire like that for recruiting henchmen. I would also like a Sasuke/Ninja Warrior obstacle course.
All hail Lord Veltha!
(I'm afraid I'm getting far too in character with this blog. I better cool it for the next one.)
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